What God Has Joined Together....

 

In today's world, it can be easy to approach marriage with a mindset of romance and personal desires. We see it in the movies, we read it in romance novels, and we get swept away by the facade of love. 

For Christians, marriage holds a deeper and divine significance. We often hear at weddings, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6), but what does that really mean? Can we discern between marriages that are divinely ordained and those that are driven by human desires? 

Sarah and Gregory met in the most unexpected way. Neither of them was actively looking for a relationship; however, they're meeting was divinely orchestrated. They were both simply trying to grow closer to God and focus on their individual callings. They crossed paths at a Bible study. At first, they were just friends, talking about scripture, dissecting the Word of God, and discussing their future plans to serve Christ and bring others to Christ.

As time went on, their friendship deepened, and things began to shift. Instead of rushing into a relationship based on their feelings, they both, independently, sought out an answer from God. They both prayed and asked God, "Is this from You?"

Sarah asked God to block this relationship if it wasn't His will, and Gregory prayed for God to reveal His will for his life concerning his future with Sarah. They both got a confirmation in the form of peace. That was the first sign that this wasn't a human-made connection. There weren't fireworks, not obsession, not anxiety, just peace. It was something sacred.

Through more confirmation from God, Sarah and Gregory sought out mentors and Godly counsel. Their courtship was low, prayerful, and intentional. They fasted and prayed before taking steps forward. They prayed together and apart. And when they finally got married, it wasn't because they were pressured by culture or swept up by chemistry. It was because they both clearly sensed that God had joined them together.

Their marriage is not perfect. They have disagreements and challenges. However, what sets them apart is when things get tough, they both run to God first and to each other. They are not just husband and wife, they are partners in prayer, purpose and pursuit of Christ.

This is an example of a God-ordained marriage. It doesn't always look glamorous on the outside, but it's rich on the inside.

What does it mean for God to join two people together? 

A God-joined marriage is one that reflects His divine will and purpose. It is a union that is Christ-centered, where both partners seek to glorify God through their relationship. This kind of marriage goes beyond personal satisfaction or worldly success; it aligns with God's larger plan and purpose for both the individuals and His kingdom.

Characteristics of a God-Joined Marriage

• Centered on Christ: Both individuals place God at the center of their marriage, seeking His will above their own desires. They rely on prayer, Scripture, and God’s guidance to shape their relationship.

• Mutual Submission and Sacrifice: In a God-joined marriage, both partners are committed to loving and serving one another as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33). This love is not based on what they can get from each other, but on what they can give.

• Divine Purpose: A God-joined marriage has a higher purpose. It’s not just about companionship or fulfilling personal desires, but about partnering together for God's glory. The couple seeks to live out God's mission for their lives together.

• Resilient Through Trials: A God-joined marriage can weather life's storms because it is anchored in faith. The couple knows that they are united by God's will and lean on Him during difficult times. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” That third strand—God—is what keeps the marriage strong.

Examples of God-Joined Marriages in the Bible

1. Abraham and Sarah: Despite the many trials they faced—waiting for decades to have a child, moving to a foreign land by God’s command, and experiencing moments of doubt—Abraham and Sarah’s marriage was ultimately a testament to God’s faithfulness. Their union was part of God’s divine plan to establish a nation through their descendants (Genesis 12:1-3). Though they made mistakes along the way, their relationship endured because it was grounded in God’s promise.

2. Boaz and Ruth: The story of Ruth and Boaz is a beautiful example of a marriage that reflects divine guidance and purpose. Ruth, a Moabite widow, followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel and trusted in God’s plan. Boaz, a kind and righteous man, saw Ruth’s faithfulness and honored her by marrying her. Their marriage led to the birth of Obed, the grandfather of King David, and is part of the lineage of Jesus Christ (Ruth 4:13-22). This shows that God’s plans for marriage often extend far beyond what we can see at the moment.

3. Mary and Joseph: The marriage of Mary and Joseph was not just about them—it was about God’s plan for the salvation of the world. Joseph’s decision to stay with Mary, despite the unusual circumstances of her pregnancy, reflects a deep obedience to God. Their marriage served a divine purpose, as they became the earthly parents of Jesus (Matthew 1:18-25). In this union, we see how God’s hand works even in unexpected situations to fulfill His plan.

Discerning the Difference: Is Your Marriage God-Joined?

If you are married or considering marriage, it’s important to reflect on whether your relationship is God-joined or human-driven. Here are a few questions to help you discern the difference:

1. Is Christ at the center of your relationship? Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God's guidance, and build your relationship on His Word?

2. Are you both committed to serving each other selflessly? Is your love based on mutual sacrifice, or is it more focused on what you can gain?

3. Do you feel a sense of divine purpose in your marriage? Are you working together to glorify God and fulfill His plan for your lives, or is your marriage primarily about personal fulfillment?

4. How do you handle trials? Do you rely on God to strengthen your marriage during difficult times, or do you turn to worldly solutions and blame each other?

Whether you’re preparing for marriage or are already married, it's never too late to align your relationship with God's will. A God-joined marriage honors Him, reflects Christ’s love, and is built to withstand the challenges of life. As you seek to discern the nature of your marriage, turn to God in prayer, ask for His guidance, and commit to living out His purpose in your relationship.

“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). Let these words be the foundation of your marriage as you pursue a union that is blessed, sustained, and guided by God’s hand.

God bless you!

What Should I Do If There Is No Intimacy In My Marriage?

Hello everyone! 

I am continuing the series on marriage and divorce. Today we are going to discuss, intimacy in marriage. I received this question on the post Marriage is Sacred and Binding and I wanted to answer it as best as I could based on scripture. I did not realize I would get so many comments on the post but I am excited to share them with you. 

This is a question we all can learn from and one that is more prevalent than we would like to admit. I have a personal experience of discussing intimacy in marriage with a friend that can shed some light on the topic.

A few years ago, my friend and I met for coffee to catch up. With our hectic schedules, we had not seen each other in months. We kept in contact over the phone but we usually met for coffee at least once a week. Anyway,  as we were talking and catching up, I asked about her husband and how things were with his business. Tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she whispered, "It feels like the love is gone. He is obsessed with work. We live separate lives and we hardly spend time together. It feels like we are roommates." She spoke of the emotional and physical distance. She felt lonely, confused, and unsure of what to do. Her words hit me hard. I've known them for a long time and they were always a model Christian couple, one to be revered so it was hard to hear that they were going through a rough patch. So I will share with you some of the scriptures I used to encourage her but before we do that, let's first take a look at what intimacy in marriage looks like.

Intimacy is the heartbeat of a marriage, the glue that binds two people together in a unique and sacred way. Without intimacy, a marriage will feel cold, distant, and empty. You can mask the lack of intimacy with work and keeping yourself busy but it is always there. I know of couples who do a good job of putting on a mask for public outings but when they get home the masks fall off and the truth is revealed- it was all a rouse for people to think we are "that couple" when in fact we don't get along. There are married couples that enjoy passionate physical intimacy but their relationship is still lacking true intimacy. They fool each other into thinking that a physical relationship equates to intimacy, but sadly it does not. 

True intimacy goes far beyond the physical. It encompasses emotional, spiritual, and mental closeness between two people. It is vulnerability, trust, and allowing your spouse to know you fully without fear of rejection or judgment. It is the foundation of any marriage. It involves sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with each other, trusting that your spouse will handle them with care, and not divulging your secrets carelessly. In marriage, this means that a spouse is supportive, attentive, encouraging, and present through the highs and lows. 

To understand, intimacy between a husband and wife, we have to first understand what God intended for intimacy to look like in marriage. 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh" - Genesis 2:24 

Becoming "one flesh" is not solely about physical intimacy but it is about emotional connection, spiritual unity, and deep partnership. Marriage is a reflection of God's covenant with his people, where two become one, mirroring the love and commitment God has for us.

"Leaving" does not mean that you abandon or cut off your relationship with your parents. A spouse who truly understands the importance of family and parents in your life would never ask you to cut off your parents. However, the bible addresses "leaving" as a requirement for the married couple to "become one flesh." This requires that the spouse shifts his primary loyalty and commitment from his parents to his wife. 

In the culture of the time, men often remained in close proximity to their families, so this scripture emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the marriage relationship over the old family structure. In fact, for a marriage to thrive, there must be a change of priorities. While honoring and loving one's parents remains a biblical commandment (Exodus 20:12), the relationship with a spouse takes precedence. In practical terms, this means that the husband and wife are responsible for making decisions together, solving problems as a team, and supporting each other as the primary partners in life.

Marriage creates a new family unit, independent and distinct from the parents, while still honoring them.

When my friend discussed the absence of intimacy of marriage, it was painful to talk about and it was a difficult situation to be in. One spouse may not see that there is a problem with how things are and there are spouses that do not know what intimacy looks like nor do they seek knowledge on the topic. Although it can be a difficult topic to discuss, there is hope. The bible provides wisdom for restoring intimacy in a God-honoring way. Here are some steps to consider, along with scriptures to encourage you.

1. Seek God First Through Prayer

When intimacy is lacking, it’s important to turn to God first. Only He can give you the wisdom, patience, and love necessary to navigate this difficult time. Pray for your marriage, your spouse, and for God to heal and restore the areas that feel broken. Ask Him to reveal any areas where you may need to change and to soften your spouse's heart.

In Philippians 4:6-7, we are reminded of the power of prayer: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God cares about every aspect of your marriage, and He is able to provide healing and restoration where needed.

2. Communicate Openly and Lovingly

A lack of intimacy often stems from unspoken frustrations, misunderstandings, or unmet emotional needs. Sometimes couples withdraw from each other when they feel hurt, unappreciated, or misunderstood. And then again, life happens. We become so consumed with our work and other responsibilities that marriage takes a back seat. One of the keys to restoring intimacy is open and loving communication.

Approach your spouse with grace, being careful to express your feelings without assigning blame. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, share your desire to strengthen the relationship. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about your feelings while remaining kind and patient in your approach. Make it a habit to check in with one another regularly, discussing emotional, spiritual, and physical needs in a loving and non-defensive way.

3. Rebuild Emotional Intimacy

As I stated, intimacy is more than just physical closeness; it starts with emotional connection. To restore intimacy, focus on rekindling the emotional bond you share with your spouse. This can be done by spending quality time together, listening to one another, and showing appreciation.

In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are specifically told to be considerate of their wives: “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This applies to both partners: being thoughtful, considerate, and understanding is essential to fostering a deeper emotional connection. Emotional intimacy will often lead to a natural restoration of physical closeness.

4. Seek Unity in Spiritual Matters

Spiritual intimacy is a powerful aspect of marriage that is often overlooked. Praying together, reading Scripture, and seeking God as a couple strengthens your bond and invites His presence into your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us of the strength that comes from unity with God: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

A marriage that invites God to be the "third strand" in the relationship will be much stronger. As you grow closer spiritually, you'll find that other areas of your relationship—emotional and physical intimacy—also improve.

5. Practice Patience and Grace

Restoring intimacy, especially after a long period without it, requires patience. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your spouse, remembering that God’s timing is perfect. Show each other grace, just as God shows grace to us.

In Colossians 3:13, Paul encourages us to be forgiving and patient with one another: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

This is important when it comes to rebuilding a marriage. If past hurts have contributed to the lack of intimacy, both partners need to extend forgiveness and move forward in grace.

6. Honor the Physical Aspect of Marriage

Now let's discuss physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is a gift from God designed to deepen the bond between husband and wife. While emotional and spiritual intimacy are foundational, physical intimacy plays a vital role in marriage as well. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

This passage emphasizes the mutual responsibility of husbands and wives to care for each other's physical needs. It also acknowledges that physical intimacy should be approached with mutual respect and love.

7. Seek Counseling or Outside Support

If you've exhausted all of these steps or still feel intimacy is lacking, you may need to consult outside support in the form of Godly, scripture-based Christian counsel. Sometimes, intimacy issues are complex and deeply rooted. If you’ve tried praying, communicating, and rebuilding your connection without progress, seeking outside help can be beneficial. A Christian marriage counselor or pastor can offer wisdom and guidance, providing tools to help you reconnect.

Proverbs 11:14 reminds us of the value of seeking wise counsel: “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” A trusted Christian counselor can help you and your spouse navigate challenges and work toward a deeper, more intimate marriage.

When intimacy fades in a marriage, it can feel discouraging, but there is always hope in Christ. As you turn to God, communicate with your spouse, and take steps to rebuild emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness, trust that God is at work.

In Romans 12:12, we are encouraged to be “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Patience and prayer are key to restoring intimacy. Remember that God desires for your marriage to flourish, and He is able to bring healing, unity, and intimacy back into your relationship.

Trust in Him, continue to seek His guidance, and remain committed to the process of growing closer to your spouse.

I want to thank the person who asked this question and has allowed me to explore this topic. I pray that God blesses each marriage with true intimacy as He originally intended.

God bless you!

God's Intent for Marriage

Marriage is one of the most profound relationships we can enter into, and it is important to understand its significance from a biblical perspective. In a world where the definition of marriage often fluctuates and the sanctity of the union is sometimes overlooked, it’s vital to return to the roots of what God intended for this sacred covenant. Here, we will briefly cover the major points of God's marriage intention. Why did He create it and what is the purpose of marriage?

1. Marriage as a Divine Institution

From the beginning, God established marriage as a fundamental part of His creation. In Genesis 2:18, we read, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” This scripture illustrates that God created marriage to address the need for companionship. We were not designed to live in isolation; instead, we are meant to support and uplift one another. To be there to help one another through this life. This not only involves being a helper, but being suitable, someone who is right or appropriate for the person. Therefore, the woman God created for Adam, provided him with support and strength. She was an equal partner in the marriage, designed to complement and support her husband, just as he is to care for and cherish her.

2. A Reflection of Christ and the Church

Another important aspect of God's intent for marriage is how it should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This type of love is sacrificial, unconditional, and selfless. It goes beyond feelings but instead, it encourages spouses to put each other’s needs above their own. Just as Christ laid down His life for us. 

Is that bible really asking husbands to die for their wives? I don't believe that it is asking husbands to literally die for their wives but in extreme circumstances this kind of sacrificial love might involve putting their lives on the line. Nonetheless, I think that it speaks to a deeper sacrifice just like Christ's sacrifice on the cross for us. It means dying to selfishness and putting your wives' needs ahead of your own desires. It speaks to serving sacrificially and loving unconditionally with patience and forgiveness.

While physical death might be the ultimate expression of this sacrificial love, the focus or the emphasis should be placed on daily acts of love, care and sacrifice that demonstrates a Christ-like love in every aspect of the relationship. When we view marriage through this lens, it becomes clear that it is not just about personal happiness, but about reflecting God’s love to the world.

3. The Covenant of Marriage

Marriage is not merely a contract but a covenant, which signifies a binding agreement with God at the center. In Malachi 2:14, we see that God views marriage as a sacred covenant: “The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth… and you have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” This highlights that marriage involves commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness—not just to one another, but to God. When you view marriage as not only your commitment to the other person but to God, it should change your perspective on marriage. 

4. Mutual Support and Growth

One of God’s intentions for marriage is mutual support and growth. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, we read: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” This passage emphasizes the importance of marriage partnership. Together, spouses can encourage one another, face challenges, and experience the joys of life side by side.

The reality is that some people get married and they still feel alone, unsupported, and unhappy. We have to know that this is not God's intent for marriage. Your significant other should be your number one cheerleader, they should help you grow and flourish. Unfortunately, I have seen a relationship in which the spouse gets more support from their family and friends rather than the person they married. 

Marriage is a partnership, your success is your spouse's success and your wins are their wins. Adversely, your hurts are theirs and your losses should be theirs as well. We have to share in our ups and downs. When one person is feeling down or falls, your spouse should be there to pick you up. That is how God intended the relationship to be.

5. A Foundation for Family

Marriage is also the foundation for family and nurturing children. In Psalm 127:3, it states, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” The reality is that there are married couples without children, however, marriage is still a foundation for family. You and your husband/wife are a family. The legacy of marriage extends to how we raise and siciple the next generation. You may not have children, however, you still can make a positive impact on the lives of the next generation. 

Married couples with children know that a strong marriage provides a stable environment for raising children, allowing them to witness a loving partnership that models God’s love and faithfulness. I watched my parents marriage and wanted a similar marriage. Their marriage was not perfect, sorry to break it to you but no marriage is perfect. However, their were key principles and examples that they instilled in me that I want to implement in my marriage.

The home is the first place children learn about love, faith and trust in God. A strong, Christ-centered marriage is one of the most powerful testimonies we can give our children or the next generation. 

6. The Call to Unity

God’s design for marriage includes unity. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus reminds us of the importance of this unity: “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This underscores that God intends for the marital bond to be strong and unbreakable, emphasizing the importance of working through conflicts and challenges together.

7. The Role of Love and Respect

Lastly, God intends for love and respect to be the foundation of marriage. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Paul describes love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Love is meant to be the driving force in marriage, guiding how spouses interact with one another.

God’s intent for marriage is rich and multifaceted, designed to be a source of companionship, love, support, and growth. In a world that often complicates or misunderstands the purpose of marriage, returning to biblical principles can provide clarity and guidance.

As you reflect on your own marriage or prepare for one, seek to honor God in this sacred covenant. Embrace the opportunities for growth, service, and love that marriage offers, and trust that God’s design is meant for your good and His glory. By aligning your marriage with God’s intent, you can experience the fullness of joy and fulfillment that comes from a Christ-centered union.

Why Is It So Hard To Get Married These Days?

 

One of the readers left this question under the post "Marriage is Sacred and Binding." They asked, "Why is it so hard to get married these days?" This is a great question and one that has many layers. I will provide some insight from a biblical perspective. I do not claim to have all the answers and I welcome your comments on the topic.

I believe that marriage is a sacred institution designed by God, yet many people today find it challenging to take that step. This can stem from numerous societal, emotional, and spiritual factors influencing our relationships. Let's be real, marriage does not get a good rap, especially when you look at the divorce rate. I'm sure we have seen toxic relationships that have left an imprint on us or have been in one that has left us scared. Just ask anyone who is married and they will tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. It requires a lot of work and it is HARD work. 

Based on my research, here are some factors that may influence why it is so hard to get married these days.

1. Cultural Shifts in Attitudes Toward Marriage

In recent years, societal views on marriage have shifted dramatically. Many people now see marriage as an option rather than a necessity, leading to a decline in traditional marriage rates. Remember that in the beginning, God created marriage as he saw its necessity and importance. In Genesis 2:18, God saw that Adam was alone and He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God created marriage to fulfill the need for companionship and support. However, in a culture that increasingly prioritizes individualism and personal freedom, the commitment of marriage can seem daunting or unnecessary.

2. Fear of Commitment

Another significant factor is the fear of commitment. Many individuals have witnessed or experienced the heartbreak of divorce, which can lead to hesitation about entering into a lifelong commitment. If you have ever been in a relationship where you were hurt by a breakup or by what your partner did, you know the lasting impact it had on your heart. It might have made you fearful to enter into another relationship because of the heartache you felt. Imagine a marriage, a sacred bond, instituted by God, it becomes even more frightening as the stakes are higher.

However, fear should not deter people from getting married. Putting God first is key, so is fasting, and praying. You should also read the bible to familiarize yourself with what God says about love, the characteristics of a husband and a wife. This will help you when choosing a mate and make it less fearful. Our Lord is the only one that can drive that fear away from your heart. In 1 John 4:18, it is stated, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” God's love is complete and unconditional. God's love offers assurance and security, so there is no need to live in fear.

3. Changing Priorities and Values

Today's generation often prioritizes career, personal development, and experiences over traditional milestones like marriage. Many young people feel pressure to establish their careers or pursue education before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that. We each have our priorities and with the cultural and economic shifts, we want to be financially secure and pursue our dreams, among other things. This generation tends not to prioritize marriage therefore, fewer people want to get married. 

With seeking our dreams, educations, careers, and different experiences, let's remember that in Matthew 6:33, Jesus advises us to “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This emphasizes the importance of prioritizing our relationship with God, which can ultimately guide our decisions regarding marriage. When individuals put their careers or desires above God's will, it can lead to a delay in pursuing marriage.

4. The Impact of Technology

Modern dating has been profoundly transformed by technology. While online dating and social media provide greater access to potential partners, they can also foster a superficial view of relationships.

In Proverbs 4:23, we are instructed to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The abundance of choices and the ease of communication can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections. This can lead to a tendency to keep relationships casual or to avoid commitment altogether.

5. The Importance of Preparation

Many people feel that they need to be fully prepared—emotionally, financially, and spiritually—before getting married. While preparation is vital, it can also be a barrier if individuals wait for the "perfect" moment that may never come.

Proverbs 24:27 encourages us to “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” This illustrates the importance of preparation but also suggests that we shouldn’t let the quest for perfection keep us from making significant life decisions.

6. Spiritual Readiness

Lastly, spiritual readiness plays a crucial role in the decision to marry. For many, the foundation of a successful marriage is rooted in faith. Individuals may hesitate to marry if they feel unequally yoked with someone who does not share their beliefs.

2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” When couples do not share the same faith or values, it can create significant challenges in their relationship. This may lead to individuals waiting until they find a partner who shares their commitment to Christ before considering marriage.

The difficulty of getting married today can be attributed to various factors, including cultural shifts, fear of commitment, changing priorities, the impact of technology, the need for preparation, and spiritual readiness. While these challenges are real, it’s essential to remember that God has a purpose for marriage and that He is always working in our lives.

As you navigate relationships, seek guidance from Scripture and pray for discernment. In doing so, you’ll be better equipped to understand God’s design for marriage and take the steps necessary to build a lasting, committed relationship. God’s plans are always for our good, and with faith and patience, He can lead you to the right partner in His perfect timing.

God bless you!

Do They Really Love You? What True Love Looks Like 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well. Welcome to a new month! Over the next few weeks, I will be diving deeper into the topic of marriage and divorce. After reading the comments on my blog post, Marriage is Sacred and Binding, I realized there are important topics that we need to explore. While I hold the sanctity of marriage in the highest regard, I’ve received several questions about divorce that I feel compelled to address, using the Word of God as my guide. I do not have all the answers, but I’m learning more each day, and my goal is to approach this topic from a biblical perspective. I encourage you to join me on this journey, seeking God’s wisdom together on the topic of marriage and divorce.

I want to start the series by discussing "Love." Love is a word that is used casually in today’s world. We hear it in songs, see it in movies, and even use it in conversations without always considering the depth of its meaning. "I love your pants," "I love that movie," and on and on it goes, throwing the word love around so callously. I am guilty of this sometimes. But as we are constantly striving to live a Christ-centered life, we have to understand that love is far more than just a feeling or an attraction—it is a reflection of God’s character. 

This brings me to today's blog "How do we know when someone truly loves us in the way God intended? I believe that leading with the topic of love is the best way to begin this series.  Love is the foundation of marriage and upon which a strong and healthy marriage is built. 

The Bible offers a clear and timeless definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These verses are often quoted at weddings or written in greeting cards, but their message is more than poetic sentiment. They serve as a guide to recognizing God-like love, which is the type of love we should seek in our relationships.

Let’s take a moment to walk through these verses and apply them in a practical way to assess whether someone's love aligns with what God calls us to.

Love is Patient and Kind

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says, "Love is patient, love is kind." Now imagine replacing the word love with the name of the person who says they love you. For example, if their name is Joseph, ask yourself:

• Is Joseph patient with you? Does he give you the grace to grow and make mistakes without frustration?
• Is Joseph kind? Does he act with compassion, always seeking to uplift and encourage, rather than criticize or belittle?

If patience and kindness aren’t characteristics of the person you’re with, it’s important to reflect on whether their love is genuine or self-serving.

Love Does Not Envy or Boast; It Is Not Proud

Next, the Bible tells us that love is not envious or boastful, nor is it proud. So, we continue:

• Is Joseph free from envy? Does he celebrate your successes without jealousy, or does he feel threatened by your accomplishments?
• Does Joseph refrain from boasting? Is he humble, or does he constantly speak of his own achievements, seeking to outshine others, even you?
• Is Joseph not proud? Does he avoid arrogance, instead approaching your relationship with a spirit of equality and mutual respect?

True love doesn’t compete or try to dominate. If someone is consistently envious or prideful, it may be a sign that their love is conditional or rooted in insecurity.

Love Is Not Rude, Self-Seeking, or Easily Angered

Continuing in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we see that love is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered:

• Does Joseph treat you with respect in all situations, even when things don’t go as planned, or does he lash out with rude words or actions?
• Is Joseph selfless? Does he put your needs ahead of his own, or is he constantly seeking what’s in it for him?
• Is Joseph slow to anger? Does he show patience when you disagree or face challenges, or does he quickly become irritable or angry?

Love should create a safe and supportive space, not one filled with tension or selfishness. If rudeness, self-centeredness, or quick tempers dominate the relationship, this is not the kind of love God wants for you.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

One of the most profound qualities of love is that it forgives. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are reminded that love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

• Is Joseph forgiving? Does he let go of past mistakes, or does he continually bring them up in arguments to guilt or shame you?

A person who truly loves you will reflect God’s grace, offering forgiveness and understanding instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment.

Love Rejoices with the Truth

True love delights in what is good, righteous, and true. It doesn’t tolerate deceit or manipulation. Ask yourself:

• Does Joseph stand for truth? Does he lead with honesty and integrity, or are there patterns of dishonesty and half-truths in your relationship?

A foundation of truth is essential for any loving relationship. Without it, trust crumbles, and so does the bond you share.

Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These are enduring qualities that reflect commitment and selflessness:

• Does Joseph protect your heart, your well-being, and your emotional safety, or does he put you in harm’s way, physically or emotionally?
• Does Joseph trust you, and do you trust him? Without mutual trust, love cannot thrive.
• Does Joseph inspire hope in your future together? Does he share your values and aspirations, or are there doubts about where the relationship is headed?
• Does Joseph persevere through difficult times, or does he give up easily when things get hard?

When love is genuine, it is enduring. It doesn’t give up when challenges arise but works through them with faith and hope.

Putting It All Together

One powerful way to test whether someone’s love for you aligns with the characteristics outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is to substitute their name for the word love in these verses. As you go through each attribute, reflect on whether their actions match the God-like love described in scripture.

Joseph is patient.
Joseph is kind.
Joseph does not envy.
Joseph does not boast.
Joseph is not proud.
Joseph is not rude.
Joseph is not self-seeking.
Joseph is not easily angered.
Joseph keeps no record of wrongs.
Joseph rejoices with the truth.
Joseph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If the person’s actions align with these truths, it is a strong indicator that their love is genuine and reflects the heart of God. If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was listening to a podcast and the lady was discussing this and I had never heard it presented the way she discussed it and I wanted to share it with you. I believe we all can benefit from looking at love through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. This is a great way to evaluate your relationships, especially for those who are single and contemplating marriage, take a step back from what you think love is and look at it how God intended it to be. While you are evaluating the one you are in a relationship with, take a minute to evaluate yourself:

Are you patient?
Are you kind?
Are you envious?
Are you boastful?
Are you proud?
Are you rude?
Are you self-seeking?
Are you easily angered?
Do you keep a record of wrongs?
Do you rejoice with the truth?
Do you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere?

It is always easy to blame the other person but take a moment to look at your part in the equation. Do you uphold the standard of love according to scripture?

The Ultimate Example of Love

Let us remember that the ultimate example of love is Jesus Christ. His love for us is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. As we seek love in our relationships, let’s hold ourselves and others to this divine standard—not out of legalism or perfectionism, but because God desires the best for us. True love will always point back to Him.

If you’re in a relationship or considering one, use this biblical guide as a mirror to reflect the true nature of love. And always pray for wisdom and discernment as you navigate the path of love that leads to God’s ultimate purpose for your life.

May God continue to bless you!

When People Remind You of Your Past Mistakes

Have you ever been in a situation where someone brings up your past mistakes, not to encourage you, but to make you feel inferior or unworthy? It’s painful when others try to drag us back into a past we’ve worked so hard to leave behind. It can feel like a heavy weight on your soul whether it’s a reminder of past failures, sins, or struggles. But here’s the truth: if you are in Christ, you are a new creation, and your past no longer defines you.

No matter how messy, broken, or sinful, it is not who you are anymore. When people remind you of your past to bring you down, it’s crucial to remember who God says you are, not what others say about you.

1. God Has Forgiven You

We discussed this in the previous post on forgiving yourself but let us be encouraged by God's word. The most important truth to cling to when someone tries to use your past against you is that God has already forgiven you. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” If God has removed your sins and no longer holds them against you, why should you let anyone else do so?

It’s easy to feel discouraged when others try to keep us trapped in our old mistakes, but God’s forgiveness is complete. The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was enough to cover every sin, and when you accept His forgiveness, you are free from the burden of your past. Romans 8:1 reminds us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If God does not condemn you, neither should anyone else.

2. People Will Try to Keep You in Your Past

Unfortunately, not everyone will understand or accept God's transformation in your life. Some people may try to pull you back into who you used to be, either because they refuse to see your growth or because they want to make themselves feel superior. But their opinions do not determine your worth or your identity.

In the Bible, even the apostle Paul dealt with this. Before his conversion, Paul (then Saul) was known for persecuting Christians. After his dramatic encounter with Christ, many people were skeptical of his transformation. They remembered his violent past and doubted whether he had truly changed. But Paul didn’t let their doubts stop him from embracing his new life in Christ.

In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul writes, “But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Paul knew he couldn’t allow his past to define him. Instead, he focused on what God had called him to do. You can do the same. People may bring up your past, but you have the power to focus on God’s future for you.

I was talking to a friend recently who told me about a meet-up he had with an old friend. It had been over a decade since they’d seen each other, and both were in completely different places in their lives. Back in the day, my friend used to smoke, party heavily, and hang around some shady people. But since then, he has turned his life around—he's now a successful businessman, married to a God-fearing woman and they have four beautiful children. He has left that lifestyle far behind.

As they caught up, the old friend kept bringing up his past, reminding him of the wild days. “Remember that night you got so drunk, you broke into your neighbor's house and stole their radio?… Now look at you, all successful and stuff!” the friend said, almost with a hint of disbelief. My friend laughed it off initially, but it became clear that his old friend wasn’t simply reminiscing. It felt more like a judgment, as if my friend’s transformation didn’t sit well with him. By the end of the conversation, my friend felt like his past was being held against him, as if his growth didn’t really matter.

As we talked, I reminded him, like I stated previously, of Philippians 3:13, where Paul says, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” His past didn’t define who he was anymore. People might bring up his old life, but God had already made him new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new is here!”

Sometimes, people will remind you of your past to make you feel like you haven’t really changed or to bring you down. But remember, your past doesn’t hold power over you anymore. You are no longer defined by who you were, but by who God has made you now—a new creation, forgiven and transformed.

3. Your Identity is in Christ, Not Your Past

It is essential to remember who you are now. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” You are not the sum of your mistakes; you are God’s masterpiece, created for a purpose far greater than your past failures.

The enemy loves to use people to try and make us feel small, unworthy, or trapped in shame. But the Bible teaches that once we belong to Christ, we are His, and nothing can change that. 1 Peter 2:9 reminds us that we are “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

When others try to drag you back into the darkness of your past, remind yourself that you have been called into God’s wonderful light. Your identity is not in the things you’ve done wrong, but in the God who has redeemed you.

4. Forgive Yourself and Move Forward

The only way others can be successful at bringing you down is if you haven't fully forgiven yourself. If you find that you’re still holding onto guilt or shame from your past mistakes, take this opportunity to bring it to God and allow His grace to wash over you. Isaiah 1:18 says, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

When God forgives us, He does so completely. If you’ve repented and turned to Him, then you are washed clean. Forgive yourself, and don’t allow anyone—whether it’s others or your own inner critic—to make you feel like you’re still stained by the past.

5. Responding with Grace

When people bring up your past, it’s natural to feel defensive or hurt. But as Christians, we are called to respond with grace. Colossians 3:13 encourages us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This doesn’t mean you have to accept harmful behavior or allow people to mistreat you, but it does mean letting go of bitterness and showing Christ’s love, even in difficult situations.

By forgiving those who try to bring you down, you free yourself from the chains of anger and resentment. More importantly, you reflect the heart of God, who forgives us endlessly despite our own shortcomings.

6. Focus on Your Future, Not Your Past

Ultimately, your past is behind you, and God has a future filled with hope and purpose for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Don’t let anyone distract you from the good plans God has for you by pulling you back into a past that no longer defines you.

When people try to remind you of who you were, stand firm in the knowledge of who you are in Christ. You are forgiven, redeemed, and chosen. God has called you out of darkness and into His light, and no one has the power to take that away from you.

Walk in Freedom

People may try to bring up your past to make you feel unworthy or inferior, but their words hold no weight in light of God’s truth. You are a new creation in Christ, and your past is covered by His grace. The next time someone tries to drag you down with reminders of your mistakes, remind yourself of Romans 8:31, which says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

Walk in the freedom that Jesus has given you. Your past no longer has power over you, and no one can make you feel inferior when you stand firm in the knowledge of who you are in Christ. Let His grace define you, and keep pressing forward to the future He has in store.

God bless you!

Forgiving Yourself

In the previous posts, we focused on forgiveness. We've discussed forgiving others, and its importance to our spiritual journey, however, we neglected to discuss forgiving ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is paramount to the overall forgiveness process. Forgiving ourselves can be one of the most challenging aspects of our spiritual journey. 

Forgiveness is something we often think of in terms of others. We know Jesus taught us to forgive those who wrong us, but what about forgiving ourselves? For many of us, self-forgiveness can be one of the hardest things to grasp. We carry the weight of our mistakes, reliving moments of failure or regret, and struggle to let go. Yet, the Bible reminds us of God’s grace and how deeply He desires us to walk in freedom—not just from the sins of others, but from the burden of our own past. 

Understanding God’s Forgiveness

Before we can forgive ourselves, we need to understand how God forgives us. 1 John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This verse is a promise that no matter what we’ve done, God is ready to forgive us as soon as we come to Him in repentance. His forgiveness is immediate, total, and unearned.

But here’s the problem many of us face: while we believe God forgives us, we have a hard time accepting that forgiveness for ourselves. We may continue to replay our mistakes in our minds, doubting that we’re worthy of God’s grace. This is where self-forgiveness comes in. If God, the Creator of the universe, can forgive you, who are you not to forgive yourself?

Letting Go of Shame and Guilt

Often, we hold onto guilt and shame as a form of self-punishment, thinking that we need to pay for our mistakes. But when we do this, we minimize the power of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If you are in Christ, you are no longer condemned. Jesus paid the ultimate price for your sins, and continuing to hold onto guilt is like saying His sacrifice wasn’t enough.

For a long time, I struggled with forgiving myself for mistakes I’d made in the past. I thought that holding onto guilt somehow made me more repentant or responsible, but in reality, it just kept me in bondage. What I’ve learned is that self-forgiveness is not about excusing your wrongs, but about accepting God’s grace and moving forward in God's love.

God’s View of You

One of the most profound shifts in my journey to self-forgiveness came when I began to see myself the way God sees me. The Bible is full of verses that tell us who we are in Christ—redeemed, loved, and forgiven. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” If God no longer holds your sins against you, why should you?

This realization changed everything for me. God sees me not as my mistakes, but as His child. He calls me beloved, and He has a purpose for my life that is not defined by my past failures. When I began to embrace this truth, I was able to let go of the guilt and shame I had been carrying for so long.

Steps to Self-Forgiveness

If you’re struggling with forgiving yourself, here are a few practical steps that have helped me along the way:

1. Acknowledge Your Mistakes: Denying or minimizing your mistakes won’t lead to healing. Be honest with yourself and with God. Confess your sins and ask for His forgiveness, knowing that He is faithful to forgive.

2. Accept God’s Grace: Once you’ve confessed your sin, believe that God has forgiven you. Don’t let feelings of unworthiness or guilt prevent you from accepting the gift of His grace.

3. Renew Your Mind with Scripture: Fill your heart and mind with the truth of God’s Word. Meditate on verses like 2 Corinthians 5:17 which says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” Let this truth renew your thinking and release you from self-condemnation.

4. Let Go of the Past: Philippians 3:13-14 encourages us to forget what lies behind us and to strive forward to what lies ahead. It’s time to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future God has for you.

5. Live in God’s Freedom: Christ came to set us free, not only from the sins of others but from our own. Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Forgiving yourself allows you to walk in the freedom that Jesus has already won for you.

Moving Forward in Freedom

Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting your mistakes, but it does mean releasing their power over you. When you refuse to forgive yourself, you remain chained to the past, unable to move forward in the abundant life God has planned for you. But when you embrace the truth of God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself, you can step into the fullness of His grace.

We all make mistakes. Some of us carry wounds from the past that we think we’ll never be able to heal from. But remember this: God is bigger than your mistakes. His love and mercy cover all your sins, and He has already forgiven you. Your job now is to accept that forgiveness, let go of the guilt, and walk in the freedom that God offers.

Forgiving yourself can be hard, but it’s essential for your spiritual and emotional well-being. Don’t let guilt or shame keep you from experiencing the abundant life that God has promised you. Remember, Romans 5:8 reminds us that “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” If Jesus thought you were worth dying for, you’re certainly worth forgiving—both by God and by yourself.

So today, I encourage you to release your past mistakes into God’s hands. Accept His grace, forgive yourself, and step into the freedom that He has already given you. You are loved, redeemed, and forgiven, and it’s time to start living like it.

God bless you!