What Man Has Joined Together...

Several years ago, I attended a beautiful wedding, one of those picture-perfect ceremonies where everything seemed just right. The couple had been together for a few years, and by all outward appearances, their marriage was inevitable. The bride glowed with joy, the groom charmed the room, and the guests whispered about how "perfect" they were for each other. It looked like a fairytale.

However, "not everything that glitters is gold." Those of us closest to them began to notice warning signs that things weren't as they seemed. Their relationship, though strong in physical attraction and public image, seemed to lack something deeper. Conversations about God and faith were rare. Their plans rarely included prayer or spiritual accountability. Family and friends quietly wondered if this marriage was built more on lust and social expectations than on genuine, God-honoring commitment. 

Fast-forward a few years into the marriage, and the cracks beneath the surface became visible. The first sign was that they stopped attending church. God was no longer part of their conversations or their decisions. Communication broke down, and arguments became frequent and public. There was even a time when they separated. The lady went to stay with her mom and left her husband at their house. Instead of seeking Godly counsel, they refused pastoral support and shut others out.

Though the physical connection between them continued, it wasn't enough to hold them together. After each heated argument, the same cycle repeated: temporary closeness, followed by emotional distance. Without the foundation of Christ, the relationship couldn't withstand the storms of life. Eventually, they separated and divorced.

It was painful to watch but unfortunately, it is not uncommon.

This situation and others like it, left me asking a hard but necessary question:

"Did God truly join this couple together, or did they join themselves together?"

Matthew 19:6 reminds us, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." But what happens when God wasn't the one who joined it to begin with?"

Too often, people step into marriage for the wrong reasons, timing, pressure, attraction, loneliness, or a sense of obligation. They assume that because a relationship feels right, it might be from God. But feelings alone do not confirm a divine connection. God's confirmation is found in peace, counsel, alignment with His Word, and most importantly, in seeking Him first.

What Is a Human-Driven Marriage?

Human-driven marriages are often shaped by our desires, expectations, and what the world tells us a relationship should be. They’re not always filled with conflict, but they are frequently built on shaky foundations. When the motives behind a marriage are rooted in attraction, convenience, or personal gain, the relationship is at risk of crumbling when those elements shift, which they often do.

Characteristics of a Human-Driven Marriage

1. Self-Focused
   In a human-driven marriage, each partner may focus more on their own happiness than on the well-being of the relationship. The mindset becomes “What can I get from this?” rather than “How can I serve and love?”

2. Guided by Emotions
   When emotions lead the way, stability disappears. Feelings are fickle. Without a spiritual foundation, the marriage can quickly unravel during seasons of stress or disappointment.

3. Worldly Priorities
   These marriages often prioritize career success, image, or even physical attraction above spiritual unity. While those things aren’t inherently bad, they’re not strong enough to sustain a lifelong covenant.

4. More Susceptible to Conflict and Division
   Without God at the center, trials feel like battles instead of opportunities to grow together. Instead of pressing into God, we may turn on each other.

Biblical Examples of Human-Driven Marriages and Relationships

The Bible offers real stories of what happens when marriages are built on human desires instead of God’s design.

• Samson and Delilah (Judges 16):
  Samson’s attraction to Delilah led him into a relationship that wasn’t rooted in faith or purpose. Delilah ultimately betrayed him, showing how dangerous it is to be guided by passion without wisdom.

• Ahab and Jezebel (1 Kings 16:29–33):
  King Ahab married Jezebel for political and personal gain, but their union led to idolatry and disobedience. Jezebel’s influence pulled Ahab and Israel away from God.

These stories remind us that who we join ourselves to matters—and so do our reasons.

How to Discern the Foundation of Your Marriage

So how do you know if your marriage is human-driven or God-joined? Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Is Christ truly at the center?
  Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God’s guidance, and prioritize His Word?

• Is your love sacrificial or self-serving?
  Are you willing to put your spouse’s needs before your own, or are you focused on personal fulfillment?

• Do you feel a shared divine purpose?
  Are you united in your calling and mission, or are you simply coexisting?

• How do you handle trials?
  Do you turn to prayer and faith in difficulty, or rely on your own strength and end up blaming each other?

If any of these questions reveal areas where God has been sidelined, take heart. It’s never too late to invite Him back in.

Rebuilding on God's Foundation

The good news is that God doesn’t discard broken things—He restores them. A God-joined marriage may not be perfect, but it is anchored in something greater than emotion, culture, or circumstances. It is sustained by grace, built on love, and shaped by purpose.

Jesus said,

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” —Matthew 19:6 

This means not only that others shouldn’t interfere, but also that we shouldn’t take over what God intended to lead. When we take the reins, we risk steering the marriage off course. But when we give control back to God, He can do what we never could—make two become one, in unity, peace, and power.

For those who are not married, this is a great resource. Here are some important questions to ask before you get married.

Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Before you say "I do," ask yourself:

• Did I seek God about this relationship, or just follow my heart?

• Has this person been confirmed in prayer, or just through emotions?

• Do we both honor God, seek Him, and aim to build a life that glorifies Him together?

• Are we pursuing purity, peace, and purpose—or are we driven by chemistry and comfort?

Remember: a God-ordained relationship is built on spiritual substance, not just emotional sparks. That’s what gives it the strength to last when life gets hard.

Whether you’re preparing for marriage, in the middle of it, or rebuilding after hard seasons, ask God to examine your foundation. Is it built on Him—or on you? A God-joined marriage may require surrender, humility, and growth, but it is worth it. Let Him write your love story—not just the beginning, but every chapter.

God bless you as you seek His will in your relationship.

What God Has Joined Together....

 

In today's world, it can be easy to approach marriage with a mindset of romance and personal desires. We see it in the movies, we read it in romance novels, and we get swept away by the facade of love. 

For Christians, marriage holds a deeper and divine significance. We often hear at weddings, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6), but what does that really mean? Can we discern between marriages that are divinely ordained and those that are driven by human desires? 

Sarah and Gregory met in the most unexpected way. Neither of them was actively looking for a relationship; however, they're meeting was divinely orchestrated. They were both simply trying to grow closer to God and focus on their individual callings. They crossed paths at a Bible study. At first, they were just friends, talking about scripture, dissecting the Word of God, and discussing their future plans to serve Christ and bring others to Christ.

As time went on, their friendship deepened, and things began to shift. Instead of rushing into a relationship based on their feelings, they both, independently, sought out an answer from God. They both prayed and asked God, "Is this from You?"

Sarah asked God to block this relationship if it wasn't His will, and Gregory prayed for God to reveal His will for his life concerning his future with Sarah. They both got a confirmation in the form of peace. That was the first sign that this wasn't a human-made connection. There weren't fireworks, not obsession, not anxiety, just peace. It was something sacred.

Through more confirmation from God, Sarah and Gregory sought out mentors and Godly counsel. Their courtship was low, prayerful, and intentional. They fasted and prayed before taking steps forward. They prayed together and apart. And when they finally got married, it wasn't because they were pressured by culture or swept up by chemistry. It was because they both clearly sensed that God had joined them together.

Their marriage is not perfect. They have disagreements and challenges. However, what sets them apart is when things get tough, they both run to God first and to each other. They are not just husband and wife, they are partners in prayer, purpose and pursuit of Christ.

This is an example of a God-ordained marriage. It doesn't always look glamorous on the outside, but it's rich on the inside.

What does it mean for God to join two people together? 

A God-joined marriage is one that reflects His divine will and purpose. It is a union that is Christ-centered, where both partners seek to glorify God through their relationship. This kind of marriage goes beyond personal satisfaction or worldly success; it aligns with God's larger plan and purpose for both the individuals and His kingdom.

Characteristics of a God-Joined Marriage

• Centered on Christ: Both individuals place God at the center of their marriage, seeking His will above their own desires. They rely on prayer, Scripture, and God’s guidance to shape their relationship.

• Mutual Submission and Sacrifice: In a God-joined marriage, both partners are committed to loving and serving one another as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33). This love is not based on what they can get from each other, but on what they can give.

• Divine Purpose: A God-joined marriage has a higher purpose. It’s not just about companionship or fulfilling personal desires, but about partnering together for God's glory. The couple seeks to live out God's mission for their lives together.

• Resilient Through Trials: A God-joined marriage can weather life's storms because it is anchored in faith. The couple knows that they are united by God's will and lean on Him during difficult times. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” That third strand—God—is what keeps the marriage strong.

Examples of God-Joined Marriages in the Bible

1. Abraham and Sarah: Despite the many trials they faced—waiting for decades to have a child, moving to a foreign land by God’s command, and experiencing moments of doubt—Abraham and Sarah’s marriage was ultimately a testament to God’s faithfulness. Their union was part of God’s divine plan to establish a nation through their descendants (Genesis 12:1-3). Though they made mistakes along the way, their relationship endured because it was grounded in God’s promise.

2. Boaz and Ruth: The story of Ruth and Boaz is a beautiful example of a marriage that reflects divine guidance and purpose. Ruth, a Moabite widow, followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel and trusted in God’s plan. Boaz, a kind and righteous man, saw Ruth’s faithfulness and honored her by marrying her. Their marriage led to the birth of Obed, the grandfather of King David, and is part of the lineage of Jesus Christ (Ruth 4:13-22). This shows that God’s plans for marriage often extend far beyond what we can see at the moment.

3. Mary and Joseph: The marriage of Mary and Joseph was not just about them—it was about God’s plan for the salvation of the world. Joseph’s decision to stay with Mary, despite the unusual circumstances of her pregnancy, reflects a deep obedience to God. Their marriage served a divine purpose, as they became the earthly parents of Jesus (Matthew 1:18-25). In this union, we see how God’s hand works even in unexpected situations to fulfill His plan.

Discerning the Difference: Is Your Marriage God-Joined?

If you are married or considering marriage, it’s important to reflect on whether your relationship is God-joined or human-driven. Here are a few questions to help you discern the difference:

1. Is Christ at the center of your relationship? Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God's guidance, and build your relationship on His Word?

2. Are you both committed to serving each other selflessly? Is your love based on mutual sacrifice, or is it more focused on what you can gain?

3. Do you feel a sense of divine purpose in your marriage? Are you working together to glorify God and fulfill His plan for your lives, or is your marriage primarily about personal fulfillment?

4. How do you handle trials? Do you rely on God to strengthen your marriage during difficult times, or do you turn to worldly solutions and blame each other?

Whether you’re preparing for marriage or are already married, it's never too late to align your relationship with God's will. A God-joined marriage honors Him, reflects Christ’s love, and is built to withstand the challenges of life. As you seek to discern the nature of your marriage, turn to God in prayer, ask for His guidance, and commit to living out His purpose in your relationship.

“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). Let these words be the foundation of your marriage as you pursue a union that is blessed, sustained, and guided by God’s hand.

God bless you!

Do They Really Love You? What True Love Looks Like 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well. Welcome to a new month! Over the next few weeks, I will be diving deeper into the topic of marriage and divorce. After reading the comments on my blog post, Marriage is Sacred and Binding, I realized there are important topics that we need to explore. While I hold the sanctity of marriage in the highest regard, I’ve received several questions about divorce that I feel compelled to address, using the Word of God as my guide. I do not have all the answers, but I’m learning more each day, and my goal is to approach this topic from a biblical perspective. I encourage you to join me on this journey, seeking God’s wisdom together on the topic of marriage and divorce.

I want to start the series by discussing "Love." Love is a word that is used casually in today’s world. We hear it in songs, see it in movies, and even use it in conversations without always considering the depth of its meaning. "I love your pants," "I love that movie," and on and on it goes, throwing the word love around so callously. I am guilty of this sometimes. But as we are constantly striving to live a Christ-centered life, we have to understand that love is far more than just a feeling or an attraction—it is a reflection of God’s character. 

This brings me to today's blog "How do we know when someone truly loves us in the way God intended? I believe that leading with the topic of love is the best way to begin this series.  Love is the foundation of marriage and upon which a strong and healthy marriage is built. 

The Bible offers a clear and timeless definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These verses are often quoted at weddings or written in greeting cards, but their message is more than poetic sentiment. They serve as a guide to recognizing God-like love, which is the type of love we should seek in our relationships.

Let’s take a moment to walk through these verses and apply them in a practical way to assess whether someone's love aligns with what God calls us to.

Love is Patient and Kind

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says, "Love is patient, love is kind." Now imagine replacing the word love with the name of the person who says they love you. For example, if their name is Joseph, ask yourself:

• Is Joseph patient with you? Does he give you the grace to grow and make mistakes without frustration?
• Is Joseph kind? Does he act with compassion, always seeking to uplift and encourage, rather than criticize or belittle?

If patience and kindness aren’t characteristics of the person you’re with, it’s important to reflect on whether their love is genuine or self-serving.

Love Does Not Envy or Boast; It Is Not Proud

Next, the Bible tells us that love is not envious or boastful, nor is it proud. So, we continue:

• Is Joseph free from envy? Does he celebrate your successes without jealousy, or does he feel threatened by your accomplishments?
• Does Joseph refrain from boasting? Is he humble, or does he constantly speak of his own achievements, seeking to outshine others, even you?
• Is Joseph not proud? Does he avoid arrogance, instead approaching your relationship with a spirit of equality and mutual respect?

True love doesn’t compete or try to dominate. If someone is consistently envious or prideful, it may be a sign that their love is conditional or rooted in insecurity.

Love Is Not Rude, Self-Seeking, or Easily Angered

Continuing in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we see that love is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered:

• Does Joseph treat you with respect in all situations, even when things don’t go as planned, or does he lash out with rude words or actions?
• Is Joseph selfless? Does he put your needs ahead of his own, or is he constantly seeking what’s in it for him?
• Is Joseph slow to anger? Does he show patience when you disagree or face challenges, or does he quickly become irritable or angry?

Love should create a safe and supportive space, not one filled with tension or selfishness. If rudeness, self-centeredness, or quick tempers dominate the relationship, this is not the kind of love God wants for you.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

One of the most profound qualities of love is that it forgives. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are reminded that love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

• Is Joseph forgiving? Does he let go of past mistakes, or does he continually bring them up in arguments to guilt or shame you?

A person who truly loves you will reflect God’s grace, offering forgiveness and understanding instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment.

Love Rejoices with the Truth

True love delights in what is good, righteous, and true. It doesn’t tolerate deceit or manipulation. Ask yourself:

• Does Joseph stand for truth? Does he lead with honesty and integrity, or are there patterns of dishonesty and half-truths in your relationship?

A foundation of truth is essential for any loving relationship. Without it, trust crumbles, and so does the bond you share.

Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These are enduring qualities that reflect commitment and selflessness:

• Does Joseph protect your heart, your well-being, and your emotional safety, or does he put you in harm’s way, physically or emotionally?
• Does Joseph trust you, and do you trust him? Without mutual trust, love cannot thrive.
• Does Joseph inspire hope in your future together? Does he share your values and aspirations, or are there doubts about where the relationship is headed?
• Does Joseph persevere through difficult times, or does he give up easily when things get hard?

When love is genuine, it is enduring. It doesn’t give up when challenges arise but works through them with faith and hope.

Putting It All Together

One powerful way to test whether someone’s love for you aligns with the characteristics outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is to substitute their name for the word love in these verses. As you go through each attribute, reflect on whether their actions match the God-like love described in scripture.

Joseph is patient.
Joseph is kind.
Joseph does not envy.
Joseph does not boast.
Joseph is not proud.
Joseph is not rude.
Joseph is not self-seeking.
Joseph is not easily angered.
Joseph keeps no record of wrongs.
Joseph rejoices with the truth.
Joseph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If the person’s actions align with these truths, it is a strong indicator that their love is genuine and reflects the heart of God. If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was listening to a podcast and the lady was discussing this and I had never heard it presented the way she discussed it and I wanted to share it with you. I believe we all can benefit from looking at love through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. This is a great way to evaluate your relationships, especially for those who are single and contemplating marriage, take a step back from what you think love is and look at it how God intended it to be. While you are evaluating the one you are in a relationship with, take a minute to evaluate yourself:

Are you patient?
Are you kind?
Are you envious?
Are you boastful?
Are you proud?
Are you rude?
Are you self-seeking?
Are you easily angered?
Do you keep a record of wrongs?
Do you rejoice with the truth?
Do you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere?

It is always easy to blame the other person but take a moment to look at your part in the equation. Do you uphold the standard of love according to scripture?

The Ultimate Example of Love

Let us remember that the ultimate example of love is Jesus Christ. His love for us is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. As we seek love in our relationships, let’s hold ourselves and others to this divine standard—not out of legalism or perfectionism, but because God desires the best for us. True love will always point back to Him.

If you’re in a relationship or considering one, use this biblical guide as a mirror to reflect the true nature of love. And always pray for wisdom and discernment as you navigate the path of love that leads to God’s ultimate purpose for your life.

May God continue to bless you!

Can Two Walk Together Unless They Have Agreed To Do So?

Amos 3:3 "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?"

Our Lord Almighty had a relationship with the people of Israel from the beginning when He brought them out of Egypt. He had selected the Israelites as His chosen people. However, time after time, they disobeyed Him. God would continuously send prophets to remind them of His undying love for them and to call them to repentance.

Here we see God speaking through the prophet Amos to let the people of Israel know that He is going to punish them for their iniquities. And what God says is that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement.

The Lord was referring to His relationship with His people. They had strayed far away from Him and therefore they were no longer in agreement with Him. From the beginning, this agreement had been established through the commandments. However, over time that relationship was severed.

It's interesting that Jesus often referred to His relationship to the church as a bride and a groom because even before the church had been established, God modeled that relationship between a bride and groom with His people. When two people get married,

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[g] and hate your enemy.’ 44But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[h] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren[i] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[j] do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Oh how easy it is to love those who love you and hate those who hate you. It just seems logical don't it? But Jesus didn't come to preach what was logical or the "in" thing to do. In fact he made reference to what we have been conditioned to think and refuted the thought and gave us another way of living. There is often a struggle between what we have been conditioned to think (those things that we see as being right) and what

Marriage is sacred and binding

Right after speaking about Adultery, Jesus' next topic, surprisingly, deals with marriage and this is what he has to say in his sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:31-32:

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

I can't think of marriage without thinking about my parents. They didn't believe in divorce, for better or worse they stuck it out even when they said they would leave, they stayed together. As children, my brothers, sister, and I growing up, we got to see what a real marriage

Adultery in the Heart

Can you truly commit adultery in your heart? Well, Jesus said you can and if He said it - it's the truth. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus continues to reveal to us the sins of the heart and how those sins have eternal consequences. Let's continue our bible study on Matthew 5:27-30.

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old,[c] ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[d] 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Firstly Jesus looked at "Do not commit murder." Now he refers to another commandment, "You shall not commit adultery."  With both of these commandments, there was a consequence according to the law but Jesus is saying that the consequences for these will be based on what is in your heart rather than what you do outwardly.

Adultery is defined as a physical act, an act involving either voluntary sexual intercourse, a kiss, or other sexual acts between a married person and someone other than their spouse. In some cases, a non-sexual but intimate relationship is considered an act of adultery. Adultery is known as cheating, being unfaithful, or having an affair. It is a sin according to the word of God and is grounds for a divorce. Adultery breaks up marriages and families. It is an act that is often done in secret for fear of the repercussions. 

Whether the adulterous acts are discovered, confessed, or remain hidden, the people involved are always aware of what occurred. The thoughts of the affair, although entirely private, can replay in their minds over and over, any time they want, without anyone else knowing. So, which is worse: repeatedly engaging in sinful thoughts in your mind and heart, or acting them out physically?

Jesus teaches that both are sinful acts that believers should not engage in. While the penalty for the physical act was already clear, Jesus takes it a step further by addressing the severity of what happens in our hearts and minds. He reveals that sinful thoughts and desires carry an equally, if not more, severe penalty. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart," Matthew 5:28.

But why would a thought carry so much weight? Because what we meditate on in our hearts reflects the true condition of our soul and is the root from which actions grow. Jesus calls us to purity, not only in behavior but in the very depths of our thoughts and intentions, as they ultimately determine the direction of our lives. "Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life," Proverbs 4:23.

In life, we may deceive others, pretend, lie, put on a façade, and act out the best Oscar-winning performances to hide the truth, but we cannot do that with God. When we come to God in prayer, it is a moment to humble ourselves, acknowledging that He sees and knows everything. We should be inclined to say, "Lord, you know me better than I know myself. When others fail to catch the sinful acts I commit in my heart and with my body, you already see it all. Lord purge me of anything that separates me from You and could ultimately lead me to eternal separation in hell." 

Can you imagine trying to lie to God in prayer? Pretending to be innocent while He already knows the truth? While you may successfully deceive others, there is no hiding from God.

No one may ever discover what you do in private, but God knows. Whatever it is that is causing you to be a candidate for hell's fire, cut it off, cut it out of your life completely. It is better to lose whatever leads you to sin, even if it feels like losing a part of yourself than to remain whole and face eternal separation from God. Jesus said it clearly in Matthew 5:29-30, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."

I want to make it to Heaven, and I hope you do, too. Whatever it is in your life that leads you away from God—you know what it is—cut it off and let it go. In the end, this is a battle for our souls, and we must ensure that our hearts and every part of our being remain pure, every day and in every way. That’s what Jesus calls us to do.

We don’t know when we’ll take our last breath, so we must stay ready. It’s not an easy journey, but let’s keep fighting the good fight of faith.

“For the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts” (1 Chronicles 28:9).

  "Would not God search this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart." (Psalm 44:21)

Reconcile Before It's Too Late

Matthew 5: 21-26 continues Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a pure heart.

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause[b] shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

The church I attended as a child put so much emphasis on being pure at heart before giving your tithes that before offering was collected at every service, the pastor would say

A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears hers down - Proverbs 14:1

A wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. - Proverbs 14:1

What a powerful verse! I read this over and over.  It's both amazing and humbling to realize that we, too, can be that foolish woman, who tears down her house after working so hard to build it.

Isn't it heartbreaking to know that something you have labored to acquire or build can be torn down by your foolish actions? It would be easier to accept if someone else was responsible, but instead, you only have yourself to blame. What a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes we think that someone else would be the one to ruin or destroy what we have built but acknowledging and seeing that it was your own undoing, you own self-sabotage, is beyond humbling and deeply painful.

A wise woman takes her time to build her house. She builds it by fostering an environment where love, peace, and God's presence thrive. She knows how to maintain it, nurture it, and keep it in good condition. She doesn't allow her emotions to dictate her responses but rather, she speaks words of kindness, love, and encouragement. She is a blessing to her family and friends. 

On the other hand, the foolish woman is destructive, without even realizing it. Her choices lead to division, strife, or a lack of spiritual health in her home. The foolish woman allows her emotions to control her actions. She lets these feelings guide her interactions with others, whether it's anger, frustration, hurt, or resentment. As a result, her home becomes a battleground instead of a safe haven. The foolish woman may not intend to cause harm but by reacting impulsively, she slowly tears down the relationships around her.

This Bible verse resonates with me because I know what it's like to nurture and build a relationship only to tear it all down in an instant. Through careless actions, I destroyed everything, My words destroyed what I had worked so hard to build. I was that foolish woman. That realization was a difficult one to sit with but I had to sit with it. It felt as though my sun was gone like it did not shine for me anymore. The way I felt wasn’t just concerning the circumstances but was rooted in my own insecurities, the lies I believed, and my fears. Calling it self-sabotage would be an understatement. It was a complete demolition of the worst kind, and its weight still lingers. But God...

Sometimes, by the time you realize the damage you have done, due to your foolish actions, it's already too late. The ruins of what once was a house you built are a constant reminder of what you destroyed. Sometimes rebuilding is no longer an option...it's too far gone. But maybe it takes that destruction for you to truly see how foolish you were. Perhaps it is in that moment of loss that you resolve to never let it happen again, vowing to become a wise woman who builds rather than destroys. 

Yet how wonderful would it be to never experience that demolition and destruction? If we could learn from someone who had been down that road, warning us not to make the same mistakes? I wish I had stopped myself while I was still in the process of destroying the relationship. However, it didn't work out that way so let me be your cautionary tale. Be wise - build, don't be foolish like me, tearing down what you've worked hard to build. However, if you and I are in the same boat, we have to learn from our mistakes and steer others on the right path so they don't make the same mistakes.

We must remember that our words and actions have incredible power. They can either destroy or build up. Instead of tearing, ourselves and others down, let's choose to lift one another up, to speak life into our lives and relationships. Through my own journey, I have come to understand that the way we speak and act can either strengthen our homes or bring them crumbling down.

Before you say something hurtful or act in a way that causes harm, pause and count the cost. Consider the potential destruction and choose wisdom. Be the wise woman who builds her house, not the foolish one who tears it down.

God bless you.