Do They Really Love You? What True Love Looks Like 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well. Welcome to a new month! Over the next few weeks, I will be diving deeper into the topic of marriage and divorce. After reading the comments on my blog post, Marriage is Sacred and Binding, I realized there are important topics that we need to explore. While I hold the sanctity of marriage in the highest regard, I’ve received several questions about divorce that I feel compelled to address, using the Word of God as my guide. I do not have all the answers, but I’m learning more each day, and my goal is to approach this topic from a biblical perspective. I encourage you to join me on this journey, seeking God’s wisdom together on the topic of marriage and divorce.

I want to start the series by discussing "Love." Love is a word that is used casually in today’s world. We hear it in songs, see it in movies, and even use it in conversations without always considering the depth of its meaning. "I love your pants," "I love that movie," and on and on it goes, throwing the word love around so callously. I am guilty of this sometimes. But as we are constantly striving to live a Christ-centered life, we have to understand that love is far more than just a feeling or an attraction—it is a reflection of God’s character. 

This brings me to today's blog "How do we know when someone truly loves us in the way God intended? I believe that leading with the topic of love is the best way to begin this series.  Love is the foundation of marriage and upon which a strong and healthy marriage is built. 

The Bible offers a clear and timeless definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These verses are often quoted at weddings or written in greeting cards, but their message is more than poetic sentiment. They serve as a guide to recognizing God-like love, which is the type of love we should seek in our relationships.

Let’s take a moment to walk through these verses and apply them in a practical way to assess whether someone's love aligns with what God calls us to.

Love is Patient and Kind

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says, "Love is patient, love is kind." Now imagine replacing the word love with the name of the person who says they love you. For example, if their name is Joseph, ask yourself:

• Is Joseph patient with you? Does he give you the grace to grow and make mistakes without frustration?
• Is Joseph kind? Does he act with compassion, always seeking to uplift and encourage, rather than criticize or belittle?

If patience and kindness aren’t characteristics of the person you’re with, it’s important to reflect on whether their love is genuine or self-serving.

Love Does Not Envy or Boast; It Is Not Proud

Next, the Bible tells us that love is not envious or boastful, nor is it proud. So, we continue:

• Is Joseph free from envy? Does he celebrate your successes without jealousy, or does he feel threatened by your accomplishments?
• Does Joseph refrain from boasting? Is he humble, or does he constantly speak of his own achievements, seeking to outshine others, even you?
• Is Joseph not proud? Does he avoid arrogance, instead approaching your relationship with a spirit of equality and mutual respect?

True love doesn’t compete or try to dominate. If someone is consistently envious or prideful, it may be a sign that their love is conditional or rooted in insecurity.

Love Is Not Rude, Self-Seeking, or Easily Angered

Continuing in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we see that love is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered:

• Does Joseph treat you with respect in all situations, even when things don’t go as planned, or does he lash out with rude words or actions?
• Is Joseph selfless? Does he put your needs ahead of his own, or is he constantly seeking what’s in it for him?
• Is Joseph slow to anger? Does he show patience when you disagree or face challenges, or does he quickly become irritable or angry?

Love should create a safe and supportive space, not one filled with tension or selfishness. If rudeness, self-centeredness, or quick tempers dominate the relationship, this is not the kind of love God wants for you.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

One of the most profound qualities of love is that it forgives. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are reminded that love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

• Is Joseph forgiving? Does he let go of past mistakes, or does he continually bring them up in arguments to guilt or shame you?

A person who truly loves you will reflect God’s grace, offering forgiveness and understanding instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment.

Love Rejoices with the Truth

True love delights in what is good, righteous, and true. It doesn’t tolerate deceit or manipulation. Ask yourself:

• Does Joseph stand for truth? Does he lead with honesty and integrity, or are there patterns of dishonesty and half-truths in your relationship?

A foundation of truth is essential for any loving relationship. Without it, trust crumbles, and so does the bond you share.

Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These are enduring qualities that reflect commitment and selflessness:

• Does Joseph protect your heart, your well-being, and your emotional safety, or does he put you in harm’s way, physically or emotionally?
• Does Joseph trust you, and do you trust him? Without mutual trust, love cannot thrive.
• Does Joseph inspire hope in your future together? Does he share your values and aspirations, or are there doubts about where the relationship is headed?
• Does Joseph persevere through difficult times, or does he give up easily when things get hard?

When love is genuine, it is enduring. It doesn’t give up when challenges arise but works through them with faith and hope.

Putting It All Together

One powerful way to test whether someone’s love for you aligns with the characteristics outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is to substitute their name for the word love in these verses. As you go through each attribute, reflect on whether their actions match the God-like love described in scripture.

Joseph is patient.
Joseph is kind.
Joseph does not envy.
Joseph does not boast.
Joseph is not proud.
Joseph is not rude.
Joseph is not self-seeking.
Joseph is not easily angered.
Joseph keeps no record of wrongs.
Joseph rejoices with the truth.
Joseph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If the person’s actions align with these truths, it is a strong indicator that their love is genuine and reflects the heart of God. If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was listening to a podcast and the lady was discussing this and I had never heard it presented the way she discussed it and I wanted to share it with you. I believe we all can benefit from looking at love through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. This is a great way to evaluate your relationships, especially for those who are single and contemplating marriage, take a step back from what you think love is and look at it how God intended it to be. While you are evaluating the one you are in a relationship with, take a minute to evaluate yourself:

Are you patient?
Are you kind?
Are you envious?
Are you boastful?
Are you proud?
Are you rude?
Are you self-seeking?
Are you easily angered?
Do you keep a record of wrongs?
Do you rejoice with the truth?
Do you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere?

It is always easy to blame the other person but take a moment to look at your part in the equation. Do you uphold the standard of love according to scripture?

The Ultimate Example of Love

Let us remember that the ultimate example of love is Jesus Christ. His love for us is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. As we seek love in our relationships, let’s hold ourselves and others to this divine standard—not out of legalism or perfectionism, but because God desires the best for us. True love will always point back to Him.

If you’re in a relationship or considering one, use this biblical guide as a mirror to reflect the true nature of love. And always pray for wisdom and discernment as you navigate the path of love that leads to God’s ultimate purpose for your life.

May God continue to bless you!

Can Two Walk Together Unless They Have Agreed To Do So?

Amos 3:3 "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?"

Our Lord Almighty had a relationship with the people of Israel from the beginning when He brought them out of Egypt. He had selected the Israelites as His chosen people. However, time after time, they disobeyed Him. God would continuously send prophets to remind them of His undying love for them and to call them to repentance.

Here we see God speaking through the prophet Amos to let the people of Israel know that He is going to punish them for their iniquities. And what God says is that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement.

The Lord was referring to His relationship with His people. They had strayed far away from Him and therefore they were no longer in agreement with Him. From the beginning, this agreement had been established through the commandments. However, over time that relationship was severed.

It's interesting that Jesus often referred to His relationship to the church as a bride and a groom because even before the church had been established, God modeled that relationship between a bride and groom with His people. When two people get married,

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[g] and hate your enemy.’ 44But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[h] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren[i] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[j] do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48

Oh how easy it is to love those who love you and hate those who hate you. It just seems logical don't it? But Jesus didn't come to preach what was logical or the "in" thing to do. In fact he made reference to what we have been conditioned to think and refuted the thought and gave us another way of living. There is often a struggle between what we have been conditioned to think (those things that we see as being right) and what

Marriage is sacred and binding

Right after speaking about Adultery, Jesus' next topic, surprisingly, deals with marriage and this is what he has to say in his sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:31-32:

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

I can't think of marriage without thinking about my parents. They didn't believe in divorce, for better or worse they stuck it out even when they said they would leave, they stayed together. As children, my brothers, sister, and I growing up, we got to see what a real marriage

Adultery in the Heart

Can you truly commit adultery in your heart? Well, Jesus said you can and if He said it - it's the truth. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus continues to reveal to us the sins of the heart and how those sins have eternal consequences. Let's continue our bible study on Matthew 5:27-30.

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old,[c] ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[d] 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

Firstly Jesus looked at "Do not commit murder." Now he refers to another commandment, "You shall not commit adultery."  With both of these commandments, there was a consequence according to the law but Jesus is saying that the consequences for these will be based on what is in your heart rather than what you do outwardly.

Adultery is defined as a physical act, an act involving either voluntary sexual intercourse, a kiss, or other sexual acts between a married person and someone other than their spouse. In some cases, a non-sexual but intimate relationship is considered an act of adultery. Adultery is known as cheating, being unfaithful, or having an affair. It is a sin according to the word of God and is grounds for a divorce. Adultery breaks up marriages and families. It is an act that is often done in secret for fear of the repercussions. 

Whether the adulterous acts are discovered, confessed, or remain hidden, the people involved are always aware of what occurred. The thoughts of the affair, although entirely private, can replay in their minds over and over, any time they want, without anyone else knowing. So, which is worse: repeatedly engaging in sinful thoughts in your mind and heart, or acting them out physically?

Jesus teaches that both are sinful acts that believers should not engage in. While the penalty for the physical act was already clear, Jesus takes it a step further by addressing the severity of what happens in our hearts and minds. He reveals that sinful thoughts and desires carry an equally, if not more, severe penalty. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart," Matthew 5:28.

But why would a thought carry so much weight? Because what we meditate on in our hearts reflects the true condition of our soul and is the root from which actions grow. Jesus calls us to purity, not only in behavior but in the very depths of our thoughts and intentions, as they ultimately determine the direction of our lives. "Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life," Proverbs 4:23.

In life, we may deceive others, pretend, lie, put on a façade, and act out the best Oscar-winning performances to hide the truth, but we cannot do that with God. When we come to God in prayer, it is a moment to humble ourselves, acknowledging that He sees and knows everything. We should be inclined to say, "Lord, you know me better than I know myself. When others fail to catch the sinful acts I commit in my heart and with my body, you already see it all. Lord purge me of anything that separates me from You and could ultimately lead me to eternal separation in hell." 

Can you imagine trying to lie to God in prayer? Pretending to be innocent while He already knows the truth? While you may successfully deceive others, there is no hiding from God.

No one may ever discover what you do in private, but God knows. Whatever it is that is causing you to be a candidate for hell's fire, cut it off, cut it out of your life completely. It is better to lose whatever leads you to sin, even if it feels like losing a part of yourself than to remain whole and face eternal separation from God. Jesus said it clearly in Matthew 5:29-30, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."

I want to make it to Heaven, and I hope you do, too. Whatever it is in your life that leads you away from God—you know what it is—cut it off and let it go. In the end, this is a battle for our souls, and we must ensure that our hearts and every part of our being remain pure, every day and in every way. That’s what Jesus calls us to do.

We don’t know when we’ll take our last breath, so we must stay ready. It’s not an easy journey, but let’s keep fighting the good fight of faith.

“For the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts” (1 Chronicles 28:9).

  "Would not God search this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart." (Psalm 44:21)

Reconcile Before It's Too Late

Matthew 5: 21-26 continues Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a pure heart.

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause[b] shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. 23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

The church I attended as a child put so much emphasis on being pure at heart before giving your tithes that before offering was collected at every service, the pastor would say

A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears hers down - Proverbs 14:1

A wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. - Proverbs 14:1

What a powerful verse! I read this over and over.  It's both amazing and humbling to realize that we, too, can be that foolish woman, who tears down her house after working so hard to build it.

Isn't it heartbreaking to know that something you have labored to acquire or build can be torn down by your foolish actions? It would be easier to accept if someone else was responsible, but instead, you only have yourself to blame. What a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes we think that someone else would be the one to ruin or destroy what we have built but acknowledging and seeing that it was your own undoing, you own self-sabotage, is beyond humbling and deeply painful.

A wise woman takes her time to build her house. She builds it by fostering an environment where love, peace, and God's presence thrive. She knows how to maintain it, nurture it, and keep it in good condition. She doesn't allow her emotions to dictate her responses but rather, she speaks words of kindness, love, and encouragement. She is a blessing to her family and friends. 

On the other hand, the foolish woman is destructive, without even realizing it. Her choices lead to division, strife, or a lack of spiritual health in her home. The foolish woman allows her emotions to control her actions. She lets these feelings guide her interactions with others, whether it's anger, frustration, hurt, or resentment. As a result, her home becomes a battleground instead of a safe haven. The foolish woman may not intend to cause harm but by reacting impulsively, she slowly tears down the relationships around her.

This Bible verse resonates with me because I know what it's like to nurture and build a relationship only to tear it all down in an instant. Through careless actions, I destroyed everything, My words destroyed what I had worked so hard to build. I was that foolish woman. That realization was a difficult one to sit with but I had to sit with it. It felt as though my sun was gone like it did not shine for me anymore. The way I felt wasn’t just concerning the circumstances but was rooted in my own insecurities, the lies I believed, and my fears. Calling it self-sabotage would be an understatement. It was a complete demolition of the worst kind, and its weight still lingers.

Sometimes, by the time you realize the damage you have done, due to your foolish actions, it's already too late. The ruins of what once was a house you built are a constant reminder of what you destroyed. Sometimes rebuilding is no longer an option...it's too far gone. But maybe it takes that destruction for you to truly see how foolish you were. Perhaps it is in that moment of loss that you resolve to never let it happen again, vowing to become a wise woman who builds rather than destroys. 

Yet how wonderful would it be to never experience that demolition and destruction? If we could learn from someone who had been down that road, warning us not to make the same mistakes? I wish I had stopped myself while I was still in the process of destroying the relationship. However, it didn't work out that way so let me be your cautionary tale. Be wise - build, don't be foolish like me, tearing down what you've worked hard to build. However, if you and I are in the same boat, we have to learn from our mistakes and steer others on the right path so they don't make the same mistakes.

We must remember that our words and actions have incredible power. They can either destroy or build up. Instead of tearing, ourselves and others down, let's choose to lift one another up, to speak life into our lives and relationships. Through my own journey, I have come to understand that the way we speak and act can either strengthen our homes or bring them crumbling down.

Before you say something hurtful or act in a way that causes harm, pause and count the cost. Consider the potential destruction and choose wisdom. Be the wise woman who builds her house, not the foolish one who tears it down.

God bless you.