When You Can't Communicate With Your Spouse

Anyone who has been in a relationship, whether romantic or not, knows that communication is paramount for it to be successful. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy marriage, but there are times when you may feel like you can’t talk to your spouse. Whether it’s due to conflict, emotional distance, or simply feeling misunderstood, the silence can feel heavy and isolating. During these moments, it is crucial to remember that you’re not alone and that there is a way to bridge that gap through faith and intentional effort. 

Here are a few steps you can take to get the communication re-ignited.

1. Understanding the Root Causes of Silence

The first step in addressing communication issues is understanding why you may not feel like you can talk to your spouse. This silence can stem from various factors, such as unresolved conflicts, fear of being hurt, or a lack of understanding.

In James 1:19, we are reminded: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This verse highlights the importance of listening—both to our spouse and to ourselves. Before approaching the conversation, reflect on what might be causing your reluctance to communicate. So the first step also involves reflection. Reflect on any past arguments or misunderstandings that may have contributed to the silence. 

2. Pray for Guidance

When you find it difficult to communicate with your spouse, prayer is a powerful tool. Take time to pray individually and together, asking God to soften your hearts and help you communicate effectively.

Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” By bringing your concerns to God, you invite Him into your situation, seeking His guidance and peace to address the challenges you face.

3. Start Small

When you’re feeling disconnected, it might be helpful to start with small, low-pressure conversations. Rather than diving into heavy topics right away, engage in light discussions about your day, shared interests, or future plans.

In Proverbs 25:11, it says: “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” This emphasizes the beauty of thoughtful communication. Starting small can help ease tension and gradually open the door for more profound conversations.

4. Use “I” Statements

When it’s time to express your feelings, consider using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This approach focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel unheard when we talk.”

Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about your feelings while also ensuring that your spouse feels respected and valued.

5. Seek Understanding and Empathy

When discussing sensitive topics, aim to understand your spouse’s perspective. Sometimes, what feels like a communication breakdown stems from a lack of understanding.

Romans 12:15 reminds us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” This calls for empathy and emotional connection. When you strive to understand your spouse's feelings and experiences, it can help foster a sense of unity and trust.

6. Don’t Rush the Process

Rebuilding communication can take time. Don’t expect immediate results, and be patient with each other as you work through your feelings.

Galatians 6:9 states, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” This encourages persistence, reminding you that the effort you put into improving communication will pay off in the long run.

7. Consider Professional Help if Needed

If you find that communication issues persist and become overwhelming, seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies for improvement.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Sometimes, having an unbiased third party can help both spouses express themselves more openly and find common ground.

It is normal to go through periods when you don’t feel like you can talk to your spouse. However, by approaching the situation with prayer, patience, and a commitment to understanding one another, you can work toward bridging the communication gap. Remember, marriage is a journey, and with God at the center, you can navigate even the toughest moments together.

As you seek to rebuild communication, lean on the promises of God, knowing that He is always present to guide and support you. Trust that through your efforts and God’s grace, you will find your way back to each other, creating a deeper bond rooted in love and understanding.

God bless you in this process.

What God Has Joined Together vs A Human-Driven Union

 

In today's world, it can be easy to approach marriage with a mindset of romance and personal desires. We see it in the movies, we read it in romance novels and we get swept away by the facade of love. 

For Christians, marriage holds a deeper and divine significance. We often hear at weddings, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6), but what does that really mean? Can we discern between marriages that are divinely ordained and those that are driven by human desires? 

Several years ago, I attended a beautiful wedding that seemed perfect on the outside. The couple had been together for a few years and everyone expected them to get married. The bride was glowing, the groom was charming and everything seemed like a fairytale. Yet, deep down, there were issues. Family and friends noticed that the marriage was more about lust and social expectations rather than true commitment.

A few years after the wedding, the marriage began to unravel. The married couple did not attend church anymore, nor did they invite God in their personal plans together. They argued more and communication was non-existent. They would argue openly in front of family and friends and refused to get counseling from their pastor. They were still drawn to each other physically but after the deed was done, it was back to bickering. The union lacked the depth and foundation that comes from a relationship divinely orchestrated by God. They eventually divorced and went their separate ways.

This marriage and many others I've observed over the years raise the question, "Did God truly join these two people together or did they join themselves together?" Sometimes couples fool themselves into believing that God had joined them with their spouse, but did He really? Did God reveal this person to you for you to marry? Did you even seek Him out before you made the decision? Or Is your union based on your lust, and what you perceive to be love? 

What does it mean for God to join two people together? Let's examine what sets these two types of marriages apart by looking at biblical examples of marriages that reflect God's divine plan versus one based on our own understanding.

A God-joined marriage is one that reflects His divine will and purpose. It is a union that is Christ-centered, where both partners seek to glorify God through their relationship. This kind of marriage goes beyond personal satisfaction or worldly success, it aligns with God's larger plan and purpose for both the individuals and His kingdom.

Characteristics of a God-Joined Marriage

• Centered on Christ: Both individuals place God at the center of their marriage, seeking His will above their own desires. They rely on prayer, Scripture, and God’s guidance to shape their relationship.

• Mutual Submission and Sacrifice: In a God-joined marriage, both partners are committed to loving and serving one another as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33). This love is not based on what they can get from each other, but on what they can give.

• Divine Purpose: A God-joined marriage has a higher purpose. It’s not just about companionship or fulfilling personal desires, but about partnering together for God's glory. The couple seeks to live out God's mission for their lives together.

• Resilient Through Trials: A God-joined marriage can weather life's storms because it is anchored in faith. The couple knows that they are united by God's will and lean on Him during difficult times. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” That third strand—God—is what keeps the marriage strong.

Examples of God-Joined Marriages in the Bible

1. Abraham and Sarah: Despite the many trials they faced—waiting for decades to have a child, moving to a foreign land by God’s command, and experiencing moments of doubt—Abraham and Sarah’s marriage was ultimately a testament to God’s faithfulness. Their union was part of God’s divine plan to establish a nation through their descendants (Genesis 12:1-3). Though they made mistakes along the way, their relationship endured because it was grounded in God’s promise.

2. Boaz and Ruth: The story of Ruth and Boaz is a beautiful example of a marriage that reflects divine guidance and purpose. Ruth, a Moabite widow, followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel and trusted in God’s plan. Boaz, a kind and righteous man, saw Ruth’s faithfulness and honored her by marrying her. Their marriage led to the birth of Obed, the grandfather of King David, and is part of the lineage of Jesus Christ (Ruth 4:13-22). This shows that God’s plans for marriage often extend far beyond what we can see at the moment.

3. Mary and Joseph: The marriage of Mary and Joseph was not just about them—it was about God’s plan for the salvation of the world. Joseph’s decision to stay with Mary, despite the unusual circumstances of her pregnancy, reflects a deep obedience to God. Their marriage served a divine purpose, as they became the earthly parents of Jesus (Matthew 1:18-25). In this union, we see how God’s hand works even in unexpected situations to fulfill His plan.

Human-Driven Marriages: When We Take the Reins

In contrast, human-driven marriages are often rooted in personal desires, societal pressures, or cultural norms. These marriages may not necessarily be bad, but they are often built on shaky foundations. When a marriage is driven by human motives—such as attraction, financial security, or personal convenience—it can easily become strained when those external factors shift.

Characteristics of a Human-Driven Marriage

• Self-Focused: In a human-driven marriage, individuals may focus more on what they can gain from the relationship rather than what they can give. The relationship becomes transactional, based on personal satisfaction rather than selfless love.

• Guided by Emotions: These marriages may be more influenced by emotions and fleeting desires. Without a strong spiritual foundation, the couple may struggle when emotions change or challenges arise.

• Worldly Priorities: Human-driven marriages often prioritize material success, social status, or physical attraction. While these elements can play a role in relationships, they are not strong enough to sustain a marriage over time.

• More Susceptible to Conflict and Division: Without God as the foundation, human-driven marriages are more likely to falter under pressure. When disagreements or hardships come, the couple may lack the spiritual resources to persevere.

Examples of Human-Driven Marriages in the Bible

1. Samson and Delilah: Samson’s relationship with Delilah was driven by his physical attraction and desire for her, rather than seeking God’s will. Delilah was not aligned with Samson’s faith, and their marriage was not God-centered. In the end, Delilah betrayed Samson, leading to his downfall (Judges 16). This story shows how a relationship driven by human desires can lead to destruction.

2. Ahab and Jezebel: Ahab, a king of Israel, married Jezebel, a woman who led him away from God and into idolatry. Their union was not founded on faith or obedience to God but on political and personal motives. Jezebel’s influence ultimately led Ahab and Israel into sin and rebellion against God (1 Kings 16:29-33). Their marriage is a cautionary tale of how human-driven unions can result in spiritual compromise.

Discerning the Difference: Is Your Marriage God-Joined?

If you are married or considering marriage, it’s important to reflect on whether your relationship is God-joined or human-driven. Here are a few questions to help you discern the difference:

1. Is Christ at the center of your relationship? Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God's guidance, and build your relationship on His Word?

2. Are you both committed to serving each other selflessly? Is your love based on mutual sacrifice, or is it more focused on what you can gain?

3. Do you feel a sense of divine purpose in your marriage? Are you working together to glorify God and fulfill His plan for your lives, or is your marriage primarily about personal fulfillment?

4. How do you handle trials? Do you rely on God to strengthen your marriage during difficult times, or do you turn to worldly solutions and blame each other?

Whether you’re preparing for marriage or are already married, it's never too late to align your relationship with God's will. A God-joined marriage honors Him, reflects Christ’s love, and is built to withstand the challenges of life. As you seek to discern the nature of your marriage, turn to God in prayer, ask for His guidance, and commit to living out His purpose in your relationship.

“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). Let these words be the foundation of your marriage as you pursue a union that is blessed, sustained, and guided by God’s hand.

God bless you!

What Should I Do If There Is No Intimacy In My Marriage?

Hello everyone! 

I am continuing the series on marriage and divorce. Today we are going to discuss, intimacy in marriage. I received this question on the post Marriage is Sacred and Binding and I wanted to answer it as best as I could based on scripture. I did not realize I would get so many comments on the post but I am excited to share them with you. 

This is a question we all can learn from and one that is more prevalent than we would like to admit. I have a personal experience of discussing intimacy in marriage with a friend that can shed some light on the topic.

A few years ago, my friend and I met for coffee to catch up. With our hectic schedules, we had not seen each other in months. We kept in contact over the phone but we usually met for coffee at least once a week. Anyway,  as we were talking and catching up, I asked about her husband and how things were with his business. Tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she whispered, "It feels like the love is gone. He is obsessed with work. We live separate lives and we hardly spend time together. It feels like we are roommates." She spoke of the emotional and physical distance. She felt lonely, confused, and unsure of what to do. Her words hit me hard. I've known them for a long time and they were always a model Christian couple, one to be revered so it was hard to hear that they were going through a rough patch. So I will share with you some of the scriptures I used to encourage her but before we do that, let's first take a look at what intimacy in marriage looks like.

Intimacy is the heartbeat of a marriage, the glue that binds two people together in a unique and sacred way. Without intimacy, a marriage will feel cold, distant, and empty. You can mask the lack of intimacy with work and keeping yourself busy but it is always there. I know of couples who do a good job of putting on a mask for public outings but when they get home the masks fall off and the truth is revealed- it was all a rouse for people to think we are "that couple" when in fact we don't get along. There are married couples that enjoy passionate physical intimacy but their relationship is still lacking true intimacy. They fool each other into thinking that a physical relationship equates to intimacy, but sadly it does not. 

True intimacy goes far beyond the physical. It encompasses emotional, spiritual, and mental closeness between two people. It is vulnerability, trust, and allowing your spouse to know you fully without fear of rejection or judgment. It is the foundation of any marriage. It involves sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with each other, trusting that your spouse will handle them with care, and not divulging your secrets carelessly. In marriage, this means that a spouse is supportive, attentive, encouraging, and present through the highs and lows. 

To understand, intimacy between a husband and wife, we have to first understand what God intended for intimacy to look like in marriage. 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh" - Genesis 2:24 

Becoming "one flesh" is not solely about physical intimacy but it is about emotional connection, spiritual unity, and deep partnership. Marriage is a reflection of God's covenant with his people, where two become one, mirroring the love and commitment God has for us.

"Leaving" does not mean that you abandon or cut off your relationship with your parents. A spouse who truly understands the importance of family and parents in your life would never ask you to cut off your parents. However, the bible addresses "leaving" as a requirement for the married couple to "become one flesh." This requires that the spouse shifts his primary loyalty and commitment from his parents to his wife. 

In the culture of the time, men often remained in close proximity to their families, so this scripture emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the marriage relationship over the old family structure. In fact, for a marriage to thrive, there must be a change of priorities. While honoring and loving one's parents remains a biblical commandment (Exodus 20:12), the relationship with a spouse takes precedence. In practical terms, this means that the husband and wife are responsible for making decisions together, solving problems as a team, and supporting each other as the primary partners in life.

Marriage creates a new family unit, independent and distinct from the parents, while still honoring them.

When my friend discussed the absence of intimacy of marriage, it was painful to talk about and it was a difficult situation to be in. One spouse may not see that there is a problem with how things are and there are spouses that do not know what intimacy looks like nor do they seek knowledge on the topic. Although it can be a difficult topic to discuss, there is hope. The bible provides wisdom for restoring intimacy in a God-honoring way. Here are some steps to consider, along with scriptures to encourage you.

1. Seek God First Through Prayer

When intimacy is lacking, it’s important to turn to God first. Only He can give you the wisdom, patience, and love necessary to navigate this difficult time. Pray for your marriage, your spouse, and for God to heal and restore the areas that feel broken. Ask Him to reveal any areas where you may need to change and to soften your spouse's heart.

In Philippians 4:6-7, we are reminded of the power of prayer: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God cares about every aspect of your marriage, and He is able to provide healing and restoration where needed.

2. Communicate Openly and Lovingly

A lack of intimacy often stems from unspoken frustrations, misunderstandings, or unmet emotional needs. Sometimes couples withdraw from each other when they feel hurt, unappreciated, or misunderstood. And then again, life happens. We become so consumed with our work and other responsibilities that marriage takes a back seat. One of the keys to restoring intimacy is open and loving communication.

Approach your spouse with grace, being careful to express your feelings without assigning blame. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, share your desire to strengthen the relationship. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about your feelings while remaining kind and patient in your approach. Make it a habit to check in with one another regularly, discussing emotional, spiritual, and physical needs in a loving and non-defensive way.

3. Rebuild Emotional Intimacy

As I stated, intimacy is more than just physical closeness; it starts with emotional connection. To restore intimacy, focus on rekindling the emotional bond you share with your spouse. This can be done by spending quality time together, listening to one another, and showing appreciation.

In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are specifically told to be considerate of their wives: “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This applies to both partners: being thoughtful, considerate, and understanding is essential to fostering a deeper emotional connection. Emotional intimacy will often lead to a natural restoration of physical closeness.

4. Seek Unity in Spiritual Matters

Spiritual intimacy is a powerful aspect of marriage that is often overlooked. Praying together, reading Scripture, and seeking God as a couple strengthens your bond and invites His presence into your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us of the strength that comes from unity with God: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

A marriage that invites God to be the "third strand" in the relationship will be much stronger. As you grow closer spiritually, you'll find that other areas of your relationship—emotional and physical intimacy—also improve.

5. Practice Patience and Grace

Restoring intimacy, especially after a long period without it, requires patience. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your spouse, remembering that God’s timing is perfect. Show each other grace, just as God shows grace to us.

In Colossians 3:13, Paul encourages us to be forgiving and patient with one another: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

This is important when it comes to rebuilding a marriage. If past hurts have contributed to the lack of intimacy, both partners need to extend forgiveness and move forward in grace.

6. Honor the Physical Aspect of Marriage

Now let's discuss physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is a gift from God designed to deepen the bond between husband and wife. While emotional and spiritual intimacy are foundational, physical intimacy plays a vital role in marriage as well. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

This passage emphasizes the mutual responsibility of husbands and wives to care for each other's physical needs. It also acknowledges that physical intimacy should be approached with mutual respect and love.

7. Seek Counseling or Outside Support

If you've exhausted all of these steps or still feel intimacy is lacking, you may need to consult outside support in the form of Godly, scripture-based Christian counsel. Sometimes, intimacy issues are complex and deeply rooted. If you’ve tried praying, communicating, and rebuilding your connection without progress, seeking outside help can be beneficial. A Christian marriage counselor or pastor can offer wisdom and guidance, providing tools to help you reconnect.

Proverbs 11:14 reminds us of the value of seeking wise counsel: “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” A trusted Christian counselor can help you and your spouse navigate challenges and work toward a deeper, more intimate marriage.

When intimacy fades in a marriage, it can feel discouraging, but there is always hope in Christ. As you turn to God, communicate with your spouse, and take steps to rebuild emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness, trust that God is at work.

In Romans 12:12, we are encouraged to be “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Patience and prayer are key to restoring intimacy. Remember that God desires for your marriage to flourish, and He is able to bring healing, unity, and intimacy back into your relationship.

Trust in Him, continue to seek His guidance, and remain committed to the process of growing closer to your spouse.

I want to thank the person who asked this question and has allowed me to explore this topic. I pray that God blesses each marriage with true intimacy as He originally intended.

God bless you!

God's Intent for Marriage

Marriage is one of the most profound relationships we can enter into, and it is important to understand its significance from a biblical perspective. In a world where the definition of marriage often fluctuates and the sanctity of the union is sometimes overlooked, it’s vital to return to the roots of what God intended for this sacred covenant. Here, we will briefly cover the major points of God's marriage intention. Why did He create it and what is the purpose of marriage?

1. Marriage as a Divine Institution

From the beginning, God established marriage as a fundamental part of His creation. In Genesis 2:18, we read, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” This scripture illustrates that God created marriage to address the need for companionship. We were not designed to live in isolation; instead, we are meant to support and uplift one another. To be there to help one another through this life. This not only involves being a helper, but being suitable, someone who is right or appropriate for the person. Therefore, the woman God created for Adam, provided him with support and strength. She was an equal partner in the marriage, designed to complement and support her husband, just as he is to care for and cherish her.

2. A Reflection of Christ and the Church

Another important aspect of God's intent for marriage is how it should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This type of love is sacrificial, unconditional, and selfless. It goes beyond feelings but instead, it encourages spouses to put each other’s needs above their own. Just as Christ laid down His life for us. 

Is that bible really asking husbands to die for their wives? I don't believe that it is asking husbands to literally die for their wives but in extreme circumstances this kind of sacrificial love might involve putting their lives on the line. Nonetheless, I think that it speaks to a deeper sacrifice just like Christ's sacrifice on the cross for us. It means dying to selfishness and putting your wives' needs ahead of your own desires. It speaks to serving sacrificially and loving unconditionally with patience and forgiveness.

While physical death might be the ultimate expression of this sacrificial love, the focus or the emphasis should be placed on daily acts of love, care and sacrifice that demonstrates a Christ-like love in every aspect of the relationship. When we view marriage through this lens, it becomes clear that it is not just about personal happiness, but about reflecting God’s love to the world.

3. The Covenant of Marriage

Marriage is not merely a contract but a covenant, which signifies a binding agreement with God at the center. In Malachi 2:14, we see that God views marriage as a sacred covenant: “The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth… and you have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” This highlights that marriage involves commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness—not just to one another, but to God. When you view marriage as not only your commitment to the other person but to God, it should change your perspective on marriage. 

4. Mutual Support and Growth

One of God’s intentions for marriage is mutual support and growth. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, we read: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” This passage emphasizes the importance of marriage partnership. Together, spouses can encourage one another, face challenges, and experience the joys of life side by side.

The reality is that some people get married and they still feel alone, unsupported, and unhappy. We have to know that this is not God's intent for marriage. Your significant other should be your number one cheerleader, they should help you grow and flourish. Unfortunately, I have seen a relationship in which the spouse gets more support from their family and friends rather than the person they married. 

Marriage is a partnership, your success is your spouse's success and your wins are their wins. Adversely, your hurts are theirs and your losses should be theirs as well. We have to share in our ups and downs. When one person is feeling down or falls, your spouse should be there to pick you up. That is how God intended the relationship to be.

5. A Foundation for Family

Marriage is also the foundation for family and nurturing children. In Psalm 127:3, it states, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” The reality is that there are married couples without children, however, marriage is still a foundation for family. You and your husband/wife are a family. The legacy of marriage extends to how we raise and siciple the next generation. You may not have children, however, you still can make a positive impact on the lives of the next generation. 

Married couples with children know that a strong marriage provides a stable environment for raising children, allowing them to witness a loving partnership that models God’s love and faithfulness. I watched my parents marriage and wanted a similar marriage. Their marriage was not perfect, sorry to break it to you but no marriage is perfect. However, their were key principles and examples that they instilled in me that I want to implement in my marriage.

The home is the first place children learn about love, faith and trust in God. A strong, Christ-centered marriage is one of the most powerful testimonies we can give our children or the next generation. 

6. The Call to Unity

God’s design for marriage includes unity. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus reminds us of the importance of this unity: “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This underscores that God intends for the marital bond to be strong and unbreakable, emphasizing the importance of working through conflicts and challenges together.

7. The Role of Love and Respect

Lastly, God intends for love and respect to be the foundation of marriage. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Paul describes love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Love is meant to be the driving force in marriage, guiding how spouses interact with one another.

God’s intent for marriage is rich and multifaceted, designed to be a source of companionship, love, support, and growth. In a world that often complicates or misunderstands the purpose of marriage, returning to biblical principles can provide clarity and guidance.

As you reflect on your own marriage or prepare for one, seek to honor God in this sacred covenant. Embrace the opportunities for growth, service, and love that marriage offers, and trust that God’s design is meant for your good and His glory. By aligning your marriage with God’s intent, you can experience the fullness of joy and fulfillment that comes from a Christ-centered union.

Why Is It So Hard To Get Married These Days?

 

One of the readers left this question under the post "Marriage is Sacred and Binding." They asked, "Why is it so hard to get married these days?" This is a great question and one that has many layers. I will provide some insight from a biblical perspective. I do not claim to have all the answers and I welcome your comments on the topic.

I believe that marriage is a sacred institution designed by God, yet many people today find it challenging to take that step. This can stem from numerous societal, emotional, and spiritual factors influencing our relationships. Let's be real, marriage does not get a good rap, especially when you look at the divorce rate. I'm sure we have seen toxic relationships that have left an imprint on us or have been in one that has left us scared. Just ask anyone who is married and they will tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. It requires a lot of work and it is HARD work. 

Based on my research, here are some factors that may influence why it is so hard to get married these days.

1. Cultural Shifts in Attitudes Toward Marriage

In recent years, societal views on marriage have shifted dramatically. Many people now see marriage as an option rather than a necessity, leading to a decline in traditional marriage rates. Remember that in the beginning, God created marriage as he saw its necessity and importance. In Genesis 2:18, God saw that Adam was alone and He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God created marriage to fulfill the need for companionship and support. However, in a culture that increasingly prioritizes individualism and personal freedom, the commitment of marriage can seem daunting or unnecessary.

2. Fear of Commitment

Another significant factor is the fear of commitment. Many individuals have witnessed or experienced the heartbreak of divorce, which can lead to hesitation about entering into a lifelong commitment. If you have ever been in a relationship where you were hurt by a breakup or by what your partner did, you know the lasting impact it had on your heart. It might have made you fearful to enter into another relationship because of the heartache you felt. Imagine a marriage, a sacred bond, instituted by God, it becomes even more frightening as the stakes are higher.

However, fear should not deter people from getting married. Putting God first is key, so is fasting, and praying. You should also read the bible to familiarize yourself with what God says about love, the characteristics of a husband and a wife. This will help you when choosing a mate and make it less fearful. Our Lord is the only one that can drive that fear away from your heart. In 1 John 4:18, it is stated, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” God's love is complete and unconditional. God's love offers assurance and security, so there is no need to live in fear.

3. Changing Priorities and Values

Today's generation often prioritizes career, personal development, and experiences over traditional milestones like marriage. Many young people feel pressure to establish their careers or pursue education before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that. We each have our priorities and with the cultural and economic shifts, we want to be financially secure and pursue our dreams, among other things. This generation tends not to prioritize marriage therefore, fewer people want to get married. 

With seeking our dreams, educations, careers, and different experiences, let's remember that in Matthew 6:33, Jesus advises us to “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This emphasizes the importance of prioritizing our relationship with God, which can ultimately guide our decisions regarding marriage. When individuals put their careers or desires above God's will, it can lead to a delay in pursuing marriage.

4. The Impact of Technology

Modern dating has been profoundly transformed by technology. While online dating and social media provide greater access to potential partners, they can also foster a superficial view of relationships.

In Proverbs 4:23, we are instructed to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The abundance of choices and the ease of communication can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections. This can lead to a tendency to keep relationships casual or to avoid commitment altogether.

5. The Importance of Preparation

Many people feel that they need to be fully prepared—emotionally, financially, and spiritually—before getting married. While preparation is vital, it can also be a barrier if individuals wait for the "perfect" moment that may never come.

Proverbs 24:27 encourages us to “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” This illustrates the importance of preparation but also suggests that we shouldn’t let the quest for perfection keep us from making significant life decisions.

6. Spiritual Readiness

Lastly, spiritual readiness plays a crucial role in the decision to marry. For many, the foundation of a successful marriage is rooted in faith. Individuals may hesitate to marry if they feel unequally yoked with someone who does not share their beliefs.

2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” When couples do not share the same faith or values, it can create significant challenges in their relationship. This may lead to individuals waiting until they find a partner who shares their commitment to Christ before considering marriage.

The difficulty of getting married today can be attributed to various factors, including cultural shifts, fear of commitment, changing priorities, the impact of technology, the need for preparation, and spiritual readiness. While these challenges are real, it’s essential to remember that God has a purpose for marriage and that He is always working in our lives.

As you navigate relationships, seek guidance from Scripture and pray for discernment. In doing so, you’ll be better equipped to understand God’s design for marriage and take the steps necessary to build a lasting, committed relationship. God’s plans are always for our good, and with faith and patience, He can lead you to the right partner in His perfect timing.

God bless you!

Do They Really Love You? What True Love Looks Like 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well. Welcome to a new month! Over the next few weeks, I will be diving deeper into the topic of marriage and divorce. After reading the comments on my blog post, Marriage is Sacred and Binding, I realized there are important topics that we need to explore. While I hold the sanctity of marriage in the highest regard, I’ve received several questions about divorce that I feel compelled to address, using the Word of God as my guide. I do not have all the answers, but I’m learning more each day, and my goal is to approach this topic from a biblical perspective. I encourage you to join me on this journey, seeking God’s wisdom together on the topic of marriage and divorce.

I want to start the series by discussing "Love." Love is a word that is used casually in today’s world. We hear it in songs, see it in movies, and even use it in conversations without always considering the depth of its meaning. "I love your pants," "I love that movie," and on and on it goes, throwing the word love around so callously. I am guilty of this sometimes. But as we are constantly striving to live a Christ-centered life, we have to understand that love is far more than just a feeling or an attraction—it is a reflection of God’s character. 

This brings me to today's blog "How do we know when someone truly loves us in the way God intended? I believe that leading with the topic of love is the best way to begin this series.  Love is the foundation of marriage and upon which a strong and healthy marriage is built. 

The Bible offers a clear and timeless definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These verses are often quoted at weddings or written in greeting cards, but their message is more than poetic sentiment. They serve as a guide to recognizing God-like love, which is the type of love we should seek in our relationships.

Let’s take a moment to walk through these verses and apply them in a practical way to assess whether someone's love aligns with what God calls us to.

Love is Patient and Kind

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says, "Love is patient, love is kind." Now imagine replacing the word love with the name of the person who says they love you. For example, if their name is Joseph, ask yourself:

• Is Joseph patient with you? Does he give you the grace to grow and make mistakes without frustration?
• Is Joseph kind? Does he act with compassion, always seeking to uplift and encourage, rather than criticize or belittle?

If patience and kindness aren’t characteristics of the person you’re with, it’s important to reflect on whether their love is genuine or self-serving.

Love Does Not Envy or Boast; It Is Not Proud

Next, the Bible tells us that love is not envious or boastful, nor is it proud. So, we continue:

• Is Joseph free from envy? Does he celebrate your successes without jealousy, or does he feel threatened by your accomplishments?
• Does Joseph refrain from boasting? Is he humble, or does he constantly speak of his own achievements, seeking to outshine others, even you?
• Is Joseph not proud? Does he avoid arrogance, instead approaching your relationship with a spirit of equality and mutual respect?

True love doesn’t compete or try to dominate. If someone is consistently envious or prideful, it may be a sign that their love is conditional or rooted in insecurity.

Love Is Not Rude, Self-Seeking, or Easily Angered

Continuing in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we see that love is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered:

• Does Joseph treat you with respect in all situations, even when things don’t go as planned, or does he lash out with rude words or actions?
• Is Joseph selfless? Does he put your needs ahead of his own, or is he constantly seeking what’s in it for him?
• Is Joseph slow to anger? Does he show patience when you disagree or face challenges, or does he quickly become irritable or angry?

Love should create a safe and supportive space, not one filled with tension or selfishness. If rudeness, self-centeredness, or quick tempers dominate the relationship, this is not the kind of love God wants for you.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

One of the most profound qualities of love is that it forgives. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are reminded that love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

• Is Joseph forgiving? Does he let go of past mistakes, or does he continually bring them up in arguments to guilt or shame you?

A person who truly loves you will reflect God’s grace, offering forgiveness and understanding instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment.

Love Rejoices with the Truth

True love delights in what is good, righteous, and true. It doesn’t tolerate deceit or manipulation. Ask yourself:

• Does Joseph stand for truth? Does he lead with honesty and integrity, or are there patterns of dishonesty and half-truths in your relationship?

A foundation of truth is essential for any loving relationship. Without it, trust crumbles, and so does the bond you share.

Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These are enduring qualities that reflect commitment and selflessness:

• Does Joseph protect your heart, your well-being, and your emotional safety, or does he put you in harm’s way, physically or emotionally?
• Does Joseph trust you, and do you trust him? Without mutual trust, love cannot thrive.
• Does Joseph inspire hope in your future together? Does he share your values and aspirations, or are there doubts about where the relationship is headed?
• Does Joseph persevere through difficult times, or does he give up easily when things get hard?

When love is genuine, it is enduring. It doesn’t give up when challenges arise but works through them with faith and hope.

Putting It All Together

One powerful way to test whether someone’s love for you aligns with the characteristics outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is to substitute their name for the word love in these verses. As you go through each attribute, reflect on whether their actions match the God-like love described in scripture.

Joseph is patient.
Joseph is kind.
Joseph does not envy.
Joseph does not boast.
Joseph is not proud.
Joseph is not rude.
Joseph is not self-seeking.
Joseph is not easily angered.
Joseph keeps no record of wrongs.
Joseph rejoices with the truth.
Joseph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If the person’s actions align with these truths, it is a strong indicator that their love is genuine and reflects the heart of God. If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was listening to a podcast and the lady was discussing this and I had never heard it presented the way she discussed it and I wanted to share it with you. I believe we all can benefit from looking at love through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. This is a great way to evaluate your relationships, especially for those who are single and contemplating marriage, take a step back from what you think love is and look at it how God intended it to be. While you are evaluating the one you are in a relationship with, take a minute to evaluate yourself:

Are you patient?
Are you kind?
Are you envious?
Are you boastful?
Are you proud?
Are you rude?
Are you self-seeking?
Are you easily angered?
Do you keep a record of wrongs?
Do you rejoice with the truth?
Do you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere?

It is always easy to blame the other person but take a moment to look at your part in the equation. Do you uphold the standard of love according to scripture?

The Ultimate Example of Love

Let us remember that the ultimate example of love is Jesus Christ. His love for us is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. As we seek love in our relationships, let’s hold ourselves and others to this divine standard—not out of legalism or perfectionism, but because God desires the best for us. True love will always point back to Him.

If you’re in a relationship or considering one, use this biblical guide as a mirror to reflect the true nature of love. And always pray for wisdom and discernment as you navigate the path of love that leads to God’s ultimate purpose for your life.

May God continue to bless you!

Can Two Walk Together Unless They Have Agreed To Do So?

Amos 3:3 "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?"

Our Lord Almighty had a relationship with the people of Israel from the beginning when He brought them out of Egypt. He had selected the Israelites as His chosen people. However, time after time, they disobeyed Him. God would continuously send prophets to remind them of His undying love for them and to call them to repentance.

Here we see God speaking through the prophet Amos to let the people of Israel know that He is going to punish them for their iniquities. And what God says is that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement.

The Lord was referring to His relationship with His people. They had strayed far away from Him and therefore they were no longer in agreement with Him. From the beginning, this agreement had been established through the commandments. However, over time that relationship was severed.

It's interesting that Jesus often referred to His relationship to the church as a bride and a groom because even before the church had been established, God modeled that relationship between a bride and groom with His people. When two people get married,

Marriage is sacred and binding

Right after speaking about Adultery, Jesus' next topic, surprisingly, deals with marriage and this is what he has to say in his sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:31-32:

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

I can't think of marriage without thinking about my parents. They didn't believe in divorce, for better or worse they stuck it out even when they said they would leave, they stayed together. As children, my brothers, sister, and I growing up, we got to see what a real marriage