Why Is It So Hard To Get Married These Days?

 

One of the readers left this question under the post "Marriage is Sacred and Binding." They asked, "Why is it so hard to get married these days?" This is a great question and one that has many layers. I will provide some insight from a biblical perspective. I do not claim to have all the answers and I welcome your comments on the topic.

I believe that marriage is a sacred institution designed by God, yet many people today find it challenging to take that step. This can stem from numerous societal, emotional, and spiritual factors influencing our relationships. Let's be real, marriage does not get a good rap, especially when you look at the divorce rate. I'm sure we have seen toxic relationships that have left an imprint on us or have been in one that has left us scared. Just ask anyone who is married and they will tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. It requires a lot of work and it is HARD work. 

Based on my research, here are some factors that may influence why it is so hard to get married these days.

1. Cultural Shifts in Attitudes Toward Marriage

In recent years, societal views on marriage have shifted dramatically. Many people now see marriage as an option rather than a necessity, leading to a decline in traditional marriage rates. Remember that in the beginning, God created marriage as he saw its necessity and importance. In Genesis 2:18, God saw that Adam was alone and He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God created marriage to fulfill the need for companionship and support. However, in a culture that increasingly prioritizes individualism and personal freedom, the commitment of marriage can seem daunting or unnecessary.

2. Fear of Commitment

Another significant factor is the fear of commitment. Many individuals have witnessed or experienced the heartbreak of divorce, which can lead to hesitation about entering into a lifelong commitment. If you have ever been in a relationship where you were hurt by a breakup or by what your partner did, you know the lasting impact it had on your heart. It might have made you fearful to enter into another relationship because of the heartache you felt. Imagine a marriage, a sacred bond, instituted by God, it becomes even more frightening as the stakes are higher.

However, fear should not deter people from getting married. Putting God first is key, so is fasting, and praying. You should also read the bible to familiarize yourself with what God says about love, the characteristics of a husband and a wife. This will help you when choosing a mate and make it less fearful. Our Lord is the only one that can drive that fear away from your heart. In 1 John 4:18, it is stated, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” God's love is complete and unconditional. God's love offers assurance and security, so there is no need to live in fear.

3. Changing Priorities and Values

Today's generation often prioritizes career, personal development, and experiences over traditional milestones like marriage. Many young people feel pressure to establish their careers or pursue education before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that. We each have our priorities and with the cultural and economic shifts, we want to be financially secure and pursue our dreams, among other things. This generation tends not to prioritize marriage therefore, fewer people want to get married. 

With seeking our dreams, educations, careers, and different experiences, let's remember that in Matthew 6:33, Jesus advises us to “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This emphasizes the importance of prioritizing our relationship with God, which can ultimately guide our decisions regarding marriage. When individuals put their careers or desires above God's will, it can lead to a delay in pursuing marriage.

4. The Impact of Technology

Modern dating has been profoundly transformed by technology. While online dating and social media provide greater access to potential partners, they can also foster a superficial view of relationships.

In Proverbs 4:23, we are instructed to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The abundance of choices and the ease of communication can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections. This can lead to a tendency to keep relationships casual or to avoid commitment altogether.

5. The Importance of Preparation

Many people feel that they need to be fully prepared—emotionally, financially, and spiritually—before getting married. While preparation is vital, it can also be a barrier if individuals wait for the "perfect" moment that may never come.

Proverbs 24:27 encourages us to “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” This illustrates the importance of preparation but also suggests that we shouldn’t let the quest for perfection keep us from making significant life decisions.

6. Spiritual Readiness

Lastly, spiritual readiness plays a crucial role in the decision to marry. For many, the foundation of a successful marriage is rooted in faith. Individuals may hesitate to marry if they feel unequally yoked with someone who does not share their beliefs.

2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” When couples do not share the same faith or values, it can create significant challenges in their relationship. This may lead to individuals waiting until they find a partner who shares their commitment to Christ before considering marriage.

The difficulty of getting married today can be attributed to various factors, including cultural shifts, fear of commitment, changing priorities, the impact of technology, the need for preparation, and spiritual readiness. While these challenges are real, it’s essential to remember that God has a purpose for marriage and that He is always working in our lives.

As you navigate relationships, seek guidance from Scripture and pray for discernment. In doing so, you’ll be better equipped to understand God’s design for marriage and take the steps necessary to build a lasting, committed relationship. God’s plans are always for our good, and with faith and patience, He can lead you to the right partner in His perfect timing.

God bless you!

Do They Really Love You? What True Love Looks Like 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are all doing well. Welcome to a new month! Over the next few weeks, I will be diving deeper into the topic of marriage and divorce. After reading the comments on my blog post, Marriage is Sacred and Binding, I realized there are important topics that we need to explore. While I hold the sanctity of marriage in the highest regard, I’ve received several questions about divorce that I feel compelled to address, using the Word of God as my guide. I do not have all the answers, but I’m learning more each day, and my goal is to approach this topic from a biblical perspective. I encourage you to join me on this journey, seeking God’s wisdom together on the topic of marriage and divorce.

I want to start the series by discussing "Love." Love is a word that is used casually in today’s world. We hear it in songs, see it in movies, and even use it in conversations without always considering the depth of its meaning. "I love your pants," "I love that movie," and on and on it goes, throwing the word love around so callously. I am guilty of this sometimes. But as we are constantly striving to live a Christ-centered life, we have to understand that love is far more than just a feeling or an attraction—it is a reflection of God’s character. 

This brings me to today's blog "How do we know when someone truly loves us in the way God intended? I believe that leading with the topic of love is the best way to begin this series.  Love is the foundation of marriage and upon which a strong and healthy marriage is built. 

The Bible offers a clear and timeless definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. These verses are often quoted at weddings or written in greeting cards, but their message is more than poetic sentiment. They serve as a guide to recognizing God-like love, which is the type of love we should seek in our relationships.

Let’s take a moment to walk through these verses and apply them in a practical way to assess whether someone's love aligns with what God calls us to.

Love is Patient and Kind

1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) says, "Love is patient, love is kind." Now imagine replacing the word love with the name of the person who says they love you. For example, if their name is Joseph, ask yourself:

• Is Joseph patient with you? Does he give you the grace to grow and make mistakes without frustration?
• Is Joseph kind? Does he act with compassion, always seeking to uplift and encourage, rather than criticize or belittle?

If patience and kindness aren’t characteristics of the person you’re with, it’s important to reflect on whether their love is genuine or self-serving.

Love Does Not Envy or Boast; It Is Not Proud

Next, the Bible tells us that love is not envious or boastful, nor is it proud. So, we continue:

• Is Joseph free from envy? Does he celebrate your successes without jealousy, or does he feel threatened by your accomplishments?
• Does Joseph refrain from boasting? Is he humble, or does he constantly speak of his own achievements, seeking to outshine others, even you?
• Is Joseph not proud? Does he avoid arrogance, instead approaching your relationship with a spirit of equality and mutual respect?

True love doesn’t compete or try to dominate. If someone is consistently envious or prideful, it may be a sign that their love is conditional or rooted in insecurity.

Love Is Not Rude, Self-Seeking, or Easily Angered

Continuing in 1 Corinthians 13:5, we see that love is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered:

• Does Joseph treat you with respect in all situations, even when things don’t go as planned, or does he lash out with rude words or actions?
• Is Joseph selfless? Does he put your needs ahead of his own, or is he constantly seeking what’s in it for him?
• Is Joseph slow to anger? Does he show patience when you disagree or face challenges, or does he quickly become irritable or angry?

Love should create a safe and supportive space, not one filled with tension or selfishness. If rudeness, self-centeredness, or quick tempers dominate the relationship, this is not the kind of love God wants for you.

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

One of the most profound qualities of love is that it forgives. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are reminded that love “keeps no record of wrongs.”

• Is Joseph forgiving? Does he let go of past mistakes, or does he continually bring them up in arguments to guilt or shame you?

A person who truly loves you will reflect God’s grace, offering forgiveness and understanding instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment.

Love Rejoices with the Truth

True love delights in what is good, righteous, and true. It doesn’t tolerate deceit or manipulation. Ask yourself:

• Does Joseph stand for truth? Does he lead with honesty and integrity, or are there patterns of dishonesty and half-truths in your relationship?

A foundation of truth is essential for any loving relationship. Without it, trust crumbles, and so does the bond you share.

Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres

Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. These are enduring qualities that reflect commitment and selflessness:

• Does Joseph protect your heart, your well-being, and your emotional safety, or does he put you in harm’s way, physically or emotionally?
• Does Joseph trust you, and do you trust him? Without mutual trust, love cannot thrive.
• Does Joseph inspire hope in your future together? Does he share your values and aspirations, or are there doubts about where the relationship is headed?
• Does Joseph persevere through difficult times, or does he give up easily when things get hard?

When love is genuine, it is enduring. It doesn’t give up when challenges arise but works through them with faith and hope.

Putting It All Together

One powerful way to test whether someone’s love for you aligns with the characteristics outlined in 1 Corinthians 13 is to substitute their name for the word love in these verses. As you go through each attribute, reflect on whether their actions match the God-like love described in scripture.

Joseph is patient.
Joseph is kind.
Joseph does not envy.
Joseph does not boast.
Joseph is not proud.
Joseph is not rude.
Joseph is not self-seeking.
Joseph is not easily angered.
Joseph keeps no record of wrongs.
Joseph rejoices with the truth.
Joseph always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If the person’s actions align with these truths, it is a strong indicator that their love is genuine and reflects the heart of God. If not, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was listening to a podcast and the lady was discussing this and I had never heard it presented the way she discussed it and I wanted to share it with you. I believe we all can benefit from looking at love through the lens of 1 Corinthians 13. This is a great way to evaluate your relationships, especially for those who are single and contemplating marriage, take a step back from what you think love is and look at it how God intended it to be. While you are evaluating the one you are in a relationship with, take a minute to evaluate yourself:

Are you patient?
Are you kind?
Are you envious?
Are you boastful?
Are you proud?
Are you rude?
Are you self-seeking?
Are you easily angered?
Do you keep a record of wrongs?
Do you rejoice with the truth?
Do you always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere?

It is always easy to blame the other person but take a moment to look at your part in the equation. Do you uphold the standard of love according to scripture?

The Ultimate Example of Love

Let us remember that the ultimate example of love is Jesus Christ. His love for us is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. As we seek love in our relationships, let’s hold ourselves and others to this divine standard—not out of legalism or perfectionism, but because God desires the best for us. True love will always point back to Him.

If you’re in a relationship or considering one, use this biblical guide as a mirror to reflect the true nature of love. And always pray for wisdom and discernment as you navigate the path of love that leads to God’s ultimate purpose for your life.

May God continue to bless you!

When People Remind You of Your Past Mistakes

Have you ever been in a situation where someone brings up your past mistakes, not to encourage you, but to make you feel inferior or unworthy? It’s painful when others try to drag us back into a past we’ve worked so hard to leave behind. It can feel like a heavy weight on your soul whether it’s a reminder of past failures, sins, or struggles. But here’s the truth: if you are in Christ, you are a new creation, and your past no longer defines you.

No matter how messy, broken, or sinful, it is not who you are anymore. When people remind you of your past to bring you down, it’s crucial to remember who God says you are, not what others say about you.

1. God Has Forgiven You

We discussed this in the previous post on forgiving yourself but let us be encouraged by God's word. The most important truth to cling to when someone tries to use your past against you is that God has already forgiven you. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” If God has removed your sins and no longer holds them against you, why should you let anyone else do so?

It’s easy to feel discouraged when others try to keep us trapped in our old mistakes, but God’s forgiveness is complete. The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was enough to cover every sin, and when you accept His forgiveness, you are free from the burden of your past. Romans 8:1 reminds us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If God does not condemn you, neither should anyone else.

2. People Will Try to Keep You in Your Past

Unfortunately, not everyone will understand or accept God's transformation in your life. Some people may try to pull you back into who you used to be, either because they refuse to see your growth or because they want to make themselves feel superior. But their opinions do not determine your worth or your identity.

In the Bible, even the apostle Paul dealt with this. Before his conversion, Paul (then Saul) was known for persecuting Christians. After his dramatic encounter with Christ, many people were skeptical of his transformation. They remembered his violent past and doubted whether he had truly changed. But Paul didn’t let their doubts stop him from embracing his new life in Christ.

In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul writes, “But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Paul knew he couldn’t allow his past to define him. Instead, he focused on what God had called him to do. You can do the same. People may bring up your past, but you have the power to focus on God’s future for you.

I was talking to a friend recently who told me about a meet-up he had with an old friend. It had been over a decade since they’d seen each other, and both were in completely different places in their lives. Back in the day, my friend used to smoke, party heavily, and hang around some shady people. But since then, he has turned his life around—he's now a successful businessman, married to a God-fearing woman and they have four beautiful children. He has left that lifestyle far behind.

As they caught up, the old friend kept bringing up his past, reminding him of the wild days. “Remember that night you got so drunk, you broke into your neighbor's house and stole their radio?… Now look at you, all successful and stuff!” the friend said, almost with a hint of disbelief. My friend laughed it off initially, but it became clear that his old friend wasn’t simply reminiscing. It felt more like a judgment, as if my friend’s transformation didn’t sit well with him. By the end of the conversation, my friend felt like his past was being held against him, as if his growth didn’t really matter.

As we talked, I reminded him, like I stated previously, of Philippians 3:13, where Paul says, “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” His past didn’t define who he was anymore. People might bring up his old life, but God had already made him new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 reminds us, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new is here!”

Sometimes, people will remind you of your past to make you feel like you haven’t really changed or to bring you down. But remember, your past doesn’t hold power over you anymore. You are no longer defined by who you were, but by who God has made you now—a new creation, forgiven and transformed.

3. Your Identity is in Christ, Not Your Past

It is essential to remember who you are now. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” You are not the sum of your mistakes; you are God’s masterpiece, created for a purpose far greater than your past failures.

The enemy loves to use people to try and make us feel small, unworthy, or trapped in shame. But the Bible teaches that once we belong to Christ, we are His, and nothing can change that. 1 Peter 2:9 reminds us that we are “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”

When others try to drag you back into the darkness of your past, remind yourself that you have been called into God’s wonderful light. Your identity is not in the things you’ve done wrong, but in the God who has redeemed you.

4. Forgive Yourself and Move Forward

The only way others can be successful at bringing you down is if you haven't fully forgiven yourself. If you find that you’re still holding onto guilt or shame from your past mistakes, take this opportunity to bring it to God and allow His grace to wash over you. Isaiah 1:18 says, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

When God forgives us, He does so completely. If you’ve repented and turned to Him, then you are washed clean. Forgive yourself, and don’t allow anyone—whether it’s others or your own inner critic—to make you feel like you’re still stained by the past.

5. Responding with Grace

When people bring up your past, it’s natural to feel defensive or hurt. But as Christians, we are called to respond with grace. Colossians 3:13 encourages us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This doesn’t mean you have to accept harmful behavior or allow people to mistreat you, but it does mean letting go of bitterness and showing Christ’s love, even in difficult situations.

By forgiving those who try to bring you down, you free yourself from the chains of anger and resentment. More importantly, you reflect the heart of God, who forgives us endlessly despite our own shortcomings.

6. Focus on Your Future, Not Your Past

Ultimately, your past is behind you, and God has a future filled with hope and purpose for you. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Don’t let anyone distract you from the good plans God has for you by pulling you back into a past that no longer defines you.

When people try to remind you of who you were, stand firm in the knowledge of who you are in Christ. You are forgiven, redeemed, and chosen. God has called you out of darkness and into His light, and no one has the power to take that away from you.

Walk in Freedom

People may try to bring up your past to make you feel unworthy or inferior, but their words hold no weight in light of God’s truth. You are a new creation in Christ, and your past is covered by His grace. The next time someone tries to drag you down with reminders of your mistakes, remind yourself of Romans 8:31, which says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

Walk in the freedom that Jesus has given you. Your past no longer has power over you, and no one can make you feel inferior when you stand firm in the knowledge of who you are in Christ. Let His grace define you, and keep pressing forward to the future He has in store.

God bless you!