What Man Has Joined Together...

Several years ago, I attended a beautiful wedding, one of those picture-perfect ceremonies where everything seemed just right. The couple had been together for a few years, and by all outward appearances, their marriage was inevitable. The bride glowed with joy, the groom charmed the room, and the guests whispered about how "perfect" they were for each other. It looked like a fairytale.

However, "not everything that glitters is gold." Those of us closest to them began to notice warning signs that things weren't as they seemed. Their relationship, though strong in physical attraction and public image, seemed to lack something deeper. Conversations about God and faith were rare. Their plans rarely included prayer or spiritual accountability. Family and friends quietly wondered if this marriage was built more on lust and social expectations than on genuine, God-honoring commitment. 

Fast-forward a few years into the marriage, and the cracks beneath the surface became visible. The first sign was that they stopped attending church. God was no longer part of their conversations or their decisions. Communication broke down, and arguments became frequent and public. There was even a time when they separated. The lady went to stay with her mom and left her husband at their house. Instead of seeking Godly counsel, they refused pastoral support and shut others out.

Though the physical connection between them continued, it wasn't enough to hold them together. After each heated argument, the same cycle repeated: temporary closeness, followed by emotional distance. Without the foundation of Christ, the relationship couldn't withstand the storms of life. Eventually, they separated and divorced.

It was painful to watch but unfortunately, it is not uncommon.

This situation and others like it, left me asking a hard but necessary question:

"Did God truly join this couple together, or did they join themselves together?"

Matthew 19:6 reminds us, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." But what happens when God wasn't the one who joined it to begin with?"

Too often, people step into marriage for the wrong reasons, timing, pressure, attraction, loneliness, or a sense of obligation. They assume that because a relationship feels right, it might be from God. But feelings alone do not confirm a divine connection. God's confirmation is found in peace, counsel, alignment with His Word, and most importantly, in seeking Him first.

What Is a Human-Driven Marriage?

Human-driven marriages are often shaped by our desires, expectations, and what the world tells us a relationship should be. They’re not always filled with conflict, but they are frequently built on shaky foundations. When the motives behind a marriage are rooted in attraction, convenience, or personal gain, the relationship is at risk of crumbling when those elements shift, which they often do.

Characteristics of a Human-Driven Marriage

1. Self-Focused
   In a human-driven marriage, each partner may focus more on their own happiness than on the well-being of the relationship. The mindset becomes “What can I get from this?” rather than “How can I serve and love?”

2. Guided by Emotions
   When emotions lead the way, stability disappears. Feelings are fickle. Without a spiritual foundation, the marriage can quickly unravel during seasons of stress or disappointment.

3. Worldly Priorities
   These marriages often prioritize career success, image, or even physical attraction above spiritual unity. While those things aren’t inherently bad, they’re not strong enough to sustain a lifelong covenant.

4. More Susceptible to Conflict and Division
   Without God at the center, trials feel like battles instead of opportunities to grow together. Instead of pressing into God, we may turn on each other.

Biblical Examples of Human-Driven Marriages and Relationships

The Bible offers real stories of what happens when marriages are built on human desires instead of God’s design.

• Samson and Delilah (Judges 16):
  Samson’s attraction to Delilah led him into a relationship that wasn’t rooted in faith or purpose. Delilah ultimately betrayed him, showing how dangerous it is to be guided by passion without wisdom.

• Ahab and Jezebel (1 Kings 16:29–33):
  King Ahab married Jezebel for political and personal gain, but their union led to idolatry and disobedience. Jezebel’s influence pulled Ahab and Israel away from God.

These stories remind us that who we join ourselves to matters—and so do our reasons.

How to Discern the Foundation of Your Marriage

So how do you know if your marriage is human-driven or God-joined? Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Is Christ truly at the center?
  Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God’s guidance, and prioritize His Word?

• Is your love sacrificial or self-serving?
  Are you willing to put your spouse’s needs before your own, or are you focused on personal fulfillment?

• Do you feel a shared divine purpose?
  Are you united in your calling and mission, or are you simply coexisting?

• How do you handle trials?
  Do you turn to prayer and faith in difficulty, or rely on your own strength and end up blaming each other?

If any of these questions reveal areas where God has been sidelined, take heart. It’s never too late to invite Him back in.

Rebuilding on God's Foundation

The good news is that God doesn’t discard broken things—He restores them. A God-joined marriage may not be perfect, but it is anchored in something greater than emotion, culture, or circumstances. It is sustained by grace, built on love, and shaped by purpose.

Jesus said,

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” —Matthew 19:6 

This means not only that others shouldn’t interfere, but also that we shouldn’t take over what God intended to lead. When we take the reins, we risk steering the marriage off course. But when we give control back to God, He can do what we never could—make two become one, in unity, peace, and power.

For those who are not married, this is a great resource. Here are some important questions to ask before you get married.

Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Before you say "I do," ask yourself:

• Did I seek God about this relationship, or just follow my heart?

• Has this person been confirmed in prayer, or just through emotions?

• Do we both honor God, seek Him, and aim to build a life that glorifies Him together?

• Are we pursuing purity, peace, and purpose—or are we driven by chemistry and comfort?

Remember: a God-ordained relationship is built on spiritual substance, not just emotional sparks. That’s what gives it the strength to last when life gets hard.

Whether you’re preparing for marriage, in the middle of it, or rebuilding after hard seasons, ask God to examine your foundation. Is it built on Him—or on you? A God-joined marriage may require surrender, humility, and growth, but it is worth it. Let Him write your love story—not just the beginning, but every chapter.

God bless you as you seek His will in your relationship.

Living with Grief

Life is a gift, fragile and quite fleeting, and yet it is filled with so much purpose. Death though inevitable, often feels abrupt and harsh, leaving behind a trail of grief that each of us must figure out how to navigate. Recently, my family experienced this firsthand with the passing of my beloved Aunt Merilee. Her passing has left a void in all our hearts, but it also reminded me of the profound truths God has given us in His word about life, death, and the hope for eternity.

Aunt Merilee was very dear to us all. I cannot imagine the hurt and pain her children are all experiencing as they mourn her passing. She was one of the matriarchs of the family that exuded strength, bravery, pride, love, selflessness, and resilience. My aunt endured many hardships and challenges yet she persevered and never gave up. She also had many joyous moments in our life. Her family was always a source of pride and joy. She loved her children immensely.  She was tough but loving and nurturing. She would work tirelessly to make sure her children had what they needed. Aunt Merilee never hesitated to be there to help out during any family crisis or celebration. Her generosity, kindness, and sacrifice have left an undeniable mark on everyone she encountered. 

My relationship with my aunt was a special one. She would call me her adoptive daughter and we would joke that she was my real mom due to our similar features. This of course would upset my mom and my cousin but it was our thing, our special bond. It breaks my heart to know that she's no longer with us. 

The Bible reminds us that our lives are but "a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14).  Our time on earth is but a moment in the grander story of God's plan. It is important to remember that our time here is short. Our interactions with each other are but for a moment. Let's make them meaningful and ones that will last even after we are gone. 

In the days following my aunt's passing, our hearts felt heavy with grief. When someone close to you passes, you can find yourself oscillating between memories you shared together, the laughter, the joy, and the pain of their absence. When my father passed, I went through waves of emotions. There were even moments I doubted he had passed and what kept me going was the memories and continuously reminding myself that he would want me to be happy.

There will be moments of stillness when the pain of losing your loved one hits you. Yet, in the stillness of those moments and in the pain of those moments, we are to remember that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalms 34:18). God is near. He is even more present in your brokenheartedness. He knows and understands how you feel. God wants us to draw close to Him during those painful times. As He draws close to us, will you draw close to His comforting embrace?

Grief is not linear. Some days, the pain feels unbearable and other days it is manageable. But through it all, I am learning to embrace both the sorrow and the joy. "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die." (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2). Death reminds us to cherish the life we've been given and to trust in God's timing. Grief has a way of humbling us, reminding us of our fragility, our humanity, and hopefully reminding us of God.

Aunt Merilee taught me about self-sacrifice, love, and the importance of family.  In honor of her, my dad, Rodney, Uncle Rodrigue, and all the loved ones who have gone before us, let us live life more intentionally. Let us remember that we are here for a purpose and let us strive each day to live in it. Aunt Merilee touched so many people with her love and she will forever be in our hearts.

If you are grieving, I encourage you to lean into God's word and His presence. Allow yourself to feel the depth of your emotions, but also invite His peace into those tender spaces. Life, death, and grief are all part of the journey, but through it all, God remains faithful.

Rest in peace, Aunt Merilee. Until we meet again.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelations 21:4).

God bless you!

When You Can't Communicate With Your Spouse

Anyone who has been in a relationship, whether romantic or not, knows that communication is paramount for it to be successful. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy marriage, but there are times when you may feel like you can’t talk to your spouse. Whether it’s due to conflict, emotional distance, or simply feeling misunderstood, the silence can feel heavy and isolating. During these moments, it is crucial to remember that you’re not alone and that there is a way to bridge that gap through faith and intentional effort. 

Here are a few steps you can take to get the communication re-ignited.

1. Understanding the Root Causes of Silence

The first step in addressing communication issues is understanding why you may not feel like you can talk to your spouse. This silence can stem from various factors, such as unresolved conflicts, fear of being hurt, or a lack of understanding.

In James 1:19, we are reminded: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This verse highlights the importance of listening—both to our spouse and to ourselves. Before approaching the conversation, reflect on what might be causing your reluctance to communicate. So the first step also involves reflection. Reflect on any past arguments or misunderstandings that may have contributed to the silence. 

2. Pray for Guidance

When you find it difficult to communicate with your spouse, prayer is a powerful tool. Take time to pray individually and together, asking God to soften your hearts and help you communicate effectively.

Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” By bringing your concerns to God, you invite Him into your situation, seeking His guidance and peace to address the challenges you face.

3. Start Small

When you’re feeling disconnected, it might be helpful to start with small, low-pressure conversations. Rather than diving into heavy topics right away, engage in light discussions about your day, shared interests, or future plans.

In Proverbs 25:11, it says: “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” This emphasizes the beauty of thoughtful communication. Starting small can help ease tension and gradually open the door for more profound conversations.

4. Use “I” Statements

When it’s time to express your feelings, consider using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This approach focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel unheard when we talk.”

Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about your feelings while also ensuring that your spouse feels respected and valued.

5. Seek Understanding and Empathy

When discussing sensitive topics, aim to understand your spouse’s perspective. Sometimes, what feels like a communication breakdown stems from a lack of understanding.

Romans 12:15 reminds us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” This calls for empathy and emotional connection. When you strive to understand your spouse's feelings and experiences, it can help foster a sense of unity and trust.

6. Don’t Rush the Process

Rebuilding communication can take time. Don’t expect immediate results, and be patient with each other as you work through your feelings.

Galatians 6:9 states, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” This encourages persistence, reminding you that the effort you put into improving communication will pay off in the long run.

7. Consider Professional Help if Needed

If you find that communication issues persist and become overwhelming, seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies for improvement.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Sometimes, having an unbiased third party can help both spouses express themselves more openly and find common ground.

It is normal to go through periods when you don’t feel like you can talk to your spouse. However, by approaching the situation with prayer, patience, and a commitment to understanding one another, you can work toward bridging the communication gap. Remember, marriage is a journey, and with God at the center, you can navigate even the toughest moments together.

As you seek to rebuild communication, lean on the promises of God, knowing that He is always present to guide and support you. Trust that through your efforts and God’s grace, you will find your way back to each other, creating a deeper bond rooted in love and understanding.

God bless you in this process.

What God Has Joined Together....

 

In today's world, it can be easy to approach marriage with a mindset of romance and personal desires. We see it in the movies, we read it in romance novels, and we get swept away by the facade of love. 

For Christians, marriage holds a deeper and divine significance. We often hear at weddings, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6), but what does that really mean? Can we discern between marriages that are divinely ordained and those that are driven by human desires? 

Sarah and Gregory met in the most unexpected way. Neither of them was actively looking for a relationship; however, they're meeting was divinely orchestrated. They were both simply trying to grow closer to God and focus on their individual callings. They crossed paths at a Bible study. At first, they were just friends, talking about scripture, dissecting the Word of God, and discussing their future plans to serve Christ and bring others to Christ.

As time went on, their friendship deepened, and things began to shift. Instead of rushing into a relationship based on their feelings, they both, independently, sought out an answer from God. They both prayed and asked God, "Is this from You?"

Sarah asked God to block this relationship if it wasn't His will, and Gregory prayed for God to reveal His will for his life concerning his future with Sarah. They both got a confirmation in the form of peace. That was the first sign that this wasn't a human-made connection. There weren't fireworks, not obsession, not anxiety, just peace. It was something sacred.

Through more confirmation from God, Sarah and Gregory sought out mentors and Godly counsel. Their courtship was low, prayerful, and intentional. They fasted and prayed before taking steps forward. They prayed together and apart. And when they finally got married, it wasn't because they were pressured by culture or swept up by chemistry. It was because they both clearly sensed that God had joined them together.

Their marriage is not perfect. They have disagreements and challenges. However, what sets them apart is when things get tough, they both run to God first and to each other. They are not just husband and wife, they are partners in prayer, purpose and pursuit of Christ.

This is an example of a God-ordained marriage. It doesn't always look glamorous on the outside, but it's rich on the inside.

What does it mean for God to join two people together? 

A God-joined marriage is one that reflects His divine will and purpose. It is a union that is Christ-centered, where both partners seek to glorify God through their relationship. This kind of marriage goes beyond personal satisfaction or worldly success; it aligns with God's larger plan and purpose for both the individuals and His kingdom.

Characteristics of a God-Joined Marriage

• Centered on Christ: Both individuals place God at the center of their marriage, seeking His will above their own desires. They rely on prayer, Scripture, and God’s guidance to shape their relationship.

• Mutual Submission and Sacrifice: In a God-joined marriage, both partners are committed to loving and serving one another as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:21-33). This love is not based on what they can get from each other, but on what they can give.

• Divine Purpose: A God-joined marriage has a higher purpose. It’s not just about companionship or fulfilling personal desires, but about partnering together for God's glory. The couple seeks to live out God's mission for their lives together.

• Resilient Through Trials: A God-joined marriage can weather life's storms because it is anchored in faith. The couple knows that they are united by God's will and lean on Him during difficult times. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” That third strand—God—is what keeps the marriage strong.

Examples of God-Joined Marriages in the Bible

1. Abraham and Sarah: Despite the many trials they faced—waiting for decades to have a child, moving to a foreign land by God’s command, and experiencing moments of doubt—Abraham and Sarah’s marriage was ultimately a testament to God’s faithfulness. Their union was part of God’s divine plan to establish a nation through their descendants (Genesis 12:1-3). Though they made mistakes along the way, their relationship endured because it was grounded in God’s promise.

2. Boaz and Ruth: The story of Ruth and Boaz is a beautiful example of a marriage that reflects divine guidance and purpose. Ruth, a Moabite widow, followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel and trusted in God’s plan. Boaz, a kind and righteous man, saw Ruth’s faithfulness and honored her by marrying her. Their marriage led to the birth of Obed, the grandfather of King David, and is part of the lineage of Jesus Christ (Ruth 4:13-22). This shows that God’s plans for marriage often extend far beyond what we can see at the moment.

3. Mary and Joseph: The marriage of Mary and Joseph was not just about them—it was about God’s plan for the salvation of the world. Joseph’s decision to stay with Mary, despite the unusual circumstances of her pregnancy, reflects a deep obedience to God. Their marriage served a divine purpose, as they became the earthly parents of Jesus (Matthew 1:18-25). In this union, we see how God’s hand works even in unexpected situations to fulfill His plan.

Discerning the Difference: Is Your Marriage God-Joined?

If you are married or considering marriage, it’s important to reflect on whether your relationship is God-joined or human-driven. Here are a few questions to help you discern the difference:

1. Is Christ at the center of your relationship? Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God's guidance, and build your relationship on His Word?

2. Are you both committed to serving each other selflessly? Is your love based on mutual sacrifice, or is it more focused on what you can gain?

3. Do you feel a sense of divine purpose in your marriage? Are you working together to glorify God and fulfill His plan for your lives, or is your marriage primarily about personal fulfillment?

4. How do you handle trials? Do you rely on God to strengthen your marriage during difficult times, or do you turn to worldly solutions and blame each other?

Whether you’re preparing for marriage or are already married, it's never too late to align your relationship with God's will. A God-joined marriage honors Him, reflects Christ’s love, and is built to withstand the challenges of life. As you seek to discern the nature of your marriage, turn to God in prayer, ask for His guidance, and commit to living out His purpose in your relationship.

“What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). Let these words be the foundation of your marriage as you pursue a union that is blessed, sustained, and guided by God’s hand.

God bless you!

What Should I Do If There Is No Intimacy In My Marriage?

Hello everyone! 

I am continuing the series on marriage and divorce. Today we are going to discuss, intimacy in marriage. I received this question on the post Marriage is Sacred and Binding and I wanted to answer it as best as I could based on scripture. I did not realize I would get so many comments on the post but I am excited to share them with you. 

This is a question we all can learn from and one that is more prevalent than we would like to admit. I have a personal experience of discussing intimacy in marriage with a friend that can shed some light on the topic.

A few years ago, my friend and I met for coffee to catch up. With our hectic schedules, we had not seen each other in months. We kept in contact over the phone but we usually met for coffee at least once a week. Anyway,  as we were talking and catching up, I asked about her husband and how things were with his business. Tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she whispered, "It feels like the love is gone. He is obsessed with work. We live separate lives and we hardly spend time together. It feels like we are roommates." She spoke of the emotional and physical distance. She felt lonely, confused, and unsure of what to do. Her words hit me hard. I've known them for a long time and they were always a model Christian couple, one to be revered so it was hard to hear that they were going through a rough patch. So I will share with you some of the scriptures I used to encourage her but before we do that, let's first take a look at what intimacy in marriage looks like.

Intimacy is the heartbeat of a marriage, the glue that binds two people together in a unique and sacred way. Without intimacy, a marriage will feel cold, distant, and empty. You can mask the lack of intimacy with work and keeping yourself busy but it is always there. I know of couples who do a good job of putting on a mask for public outings but when they get home the masks fall off and the truth is revealed- it was all a rouse for people to think we are "that couple" when in fact we don't get along. There are married couples that enjoy passionate physical intimacy but their relationship is still lacking true intimacy. They fool each other into thinking that a physical relationship equates to intimacy, but sadly it does not. 

True intimacy goes far beyond the physical. It encompasses emotional, spiritual, and mental closeness between two people. It is vulnerability, trust, and allowing your spouse to know you fully without fear of rejection or judgment. It is the foundation of any marriage. It involves sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with each other, trusting that your spouse will handle them with care, and not divulging your secrets carelessly. In marriage, this means that a spouse is supportive, attentive, encouraging, and present through the highs and lows. 

To understand, intimacy between a husband and wife, we have to first understand what God intended for intimacy to look like in marriage. 

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh" - Genesis 2:24 

Becoming "one flesh" is not solely about physical intimacy but it is about emotional connection, spiritual unity, and deep partnership. Marriage is a reflection of God's covenant with his people, where two become one, mirroring the love and commitment God has for us.

"Leaving" does not mean that you abandon or cut off your relationship with your parents. A spouse who truly understands the importance of family and parents in your life would never ask you to cut off your parents. However, the bible addresses "leaving" as a requirement for the married couple to "become one flesh." This requires that the spouse shifts his primary loyalty and commitment from his parents to his wife. 

In the culture of the time, men often remained in close proximity to their families, so this scripture emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the marriage relationship over the old family structure. In fact, for a marriage to thrive, there must be a change of priorities. While honoring and loving one's parents remains a biblical commandment (Exodus 20:12), the relationship with a spouse takes precedence. In practical terms, this means that the husband and wife are responsible for making decisions together, solving problems as a team, and supporting each other as the primary partners in life.

Marriage creates a new family unit, independent and distinct from the parents, while still honoring them.

When my friend discussed the absence of intimacy of marriage, it was painful to talk about and it was a difficult situation to be in. One spouse may not see that there is a problem with how things are and there are spouses that do not know what intimacy looks like nor do they seek knowledge on the topic. Although it can be a difficult topic to discuss, there is hope. The bible provides wisdom for restoring intimacy in a God-honoring way. Here are some steps to consider, along with scriptures to encourage you.

1. Seek God First Through Prayer

When intimacy is lacking, it’s important to turn to God first. Only He can give you the wisdom, patience, and love necessary to navigate this difficult time. Pray for your marriage, your spouse, and for God to heal and restore the areas that feel broken. Ask Him to reveal any areas where you may need to change and to soften your spouse's heart.

In Philippians 4:6-7, we are reminded of the power of prayer: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

God cares about every aspect of your marriage, and He is able to provide healing and restoration where needed.

2. Communicate Openly and Lovingly

A lack of intimacy often stems from unspoken frustrations, misunderstandings, or unmet emotional needs. Sometimes couples withdraw from each other when they feel hurt, unappreciated, or misunderstood. And then again, life happens. We become so consumed with our work and other responsibilities that marriage takes a back seat. One of the keys to restoring intimacy is open and loving communication.

Approach your spouse with grace, being careful to express your feelings without assigning blame. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, share your desire to strengthen the relationship. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love.” This means being honest about your feelings while remaining kind and patient in your approach. Make it a habit to check in with one another regularly, discussing emotional, spiritual, and physical needs in a loving and non-defensive way.

3. Rebuild Emotional Intimacy

As I stated, intimacy is more than just physical closeness; it starts with emotional connection. To restore intimacy, focus on rekindling the emotional bond you share with your spouse. This can be done by spending quality time together, listening to one another, and showing appreciation.

In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are specifically told to be considerate of their wives: “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This applies to both partners: being thoughtful, considerate, and understanding is essential to fostering a deeper emotional connection. Emotional intimacy will often lead to a natural restoration of physical closeness.

4. Seek Unity in Spiritual Matters

Spiritual intimacy is a powerful aspect of marriage that is often overlooked. Praying together, reading Scripture, and seeking God as a couple strengthens your bond and invites His presence into your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us of the strength that comes from unity with God: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

A marriage that invites God to be the "third strand" in the relationship will be much stronger. As you grow closer spiritually, you'll find that other areas of your relationship—emotional and physical intimacy—also improve.

5. Practice Patience and Grace

Restoring intimacy, especially after a long period without it, requires patience. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your spouse, remembering that God’s timing is perfect. Show each other grace, just as God shows grace to us.

In Colossians 3:13, Paul encourages us to be forgiving and patient with one another: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

This is important when it comes to rebuilding a marriage. If past hurts have contributed to the lack of intimacy, both partners need to extend forgiveness and move forward in grace.

6. Honor the Physical Aspect of Marriage

Now let's discuss physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is a gift from God designed to deepen the bond between husband and wife. While emotional and spiritual intimacy are foundational, physical intimacy plays a vital role in marriage as well. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

This passage emphasizes the mutual responsibility of husbands and wives to care for each other's physical needs. It also acknowledges that physical intimacy should be approached with mutual respect and love.

7. Seek Counseling or Outside Support

If you've exhausted all of these steps or still feel intimacy is lacking, you may need to consult outside support in the form of Godly, scripture-based Christian counsel. Sometimes, intimacy issues are complex and deeply rooted. If you’ve tried praying, communicating, and rebuilding your connection without progress, seeking outside help can be beneficial. A Christian marriage counselor or pastor can offer wisdom and guidance, providing tools to help you reconnect.

Proverbs 11:14 reminds us of the value of seeking wise counsel: “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” A trusted Christian counselor can help you and your spouse navigate challenges and work toward a deeper, more intimate marriage.

When intimacy fades in a marriage, it can feel discouraging, but there is always hope in Christ. As you turn to God, communicate with your spouse, and take steps to rebuild emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness, trust that God is at work.

In Romans 12:12, we are encouraged to be “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Patience and prayer are key to restoring intimacy. Remember that God desires for your marriage to flourish, and He is able to bring healing, unity, and intimacy back into your relationship.

Trust in Him, continue to seek His guidance, and remain committed to the process of growing closer to your spouse.

I want to thank the person who asked this question and has allowed me to explore this topic. I pray that God blesses each marriage with true intimacy as He originally intended.

God bless you!

God's Intent for Marriage

Marriage is one of the most profound relationships we can enter into, and it is important to understand its significance from a biblical perspective. In a world where the definition of marriage often fluctuates and the sanctity of the union is sometimes overlooked, it’s vital to return to the roots of what God intended for this sacred covenant. Here, we will briefly cover the major points of God's marriage intention. Why did He create it and what is the purpose of marriage?

1. Marriage as a Divine Institution

From the beginning, God established marriage as a fundamental part of His creation. In Genesis 2:18, we read, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” This scripture illustrates that God created marriage to address the need for companionship. We were not designed to live in isolation; instead, we are meant to support and uplift one another. To be there to help one another through this life. This not only involves being a helper, but being suitable, someone who is right or appropriate for the person. Therefore, the woman God created for Adam, provided him with support and strength. She was an equal partner in the marriage, designed to complement and support her husband, just as he is to care for and cherish her.

2. A Reflection of Christ and the Church

Another important aspect of God's intent for marriage is how it should mirror Christ's relationship with the Church. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This type of love is sacrificial, unconditional, and selfless. It goes beyond feelings but instead, it encourages spouses to put each other’s needs above their own. Just as Christ laid down His life for us. 

Is that bible really asking husbands to die for their wives? I don't believe that it is asking husbands to literally die for their wives but in extreme circumstances this kind of sacrificial love might involve putting their lives on the line. Nonetheless, I think that it speaks to a deeper sacrifice just like Christ's sacrifice on the cross for us. It means dying to selfishness and putting your wives' needs ahead of your own desires. It speaks to serving sacrificially and loving unconditionally with patience and forgiveness.

While physical death might be the ultimate expression of this sacrificial love, the focus or the emphasis should be placed on daily acts of love, care and sacrifice that demonstrates a Christ-like love in every aspect of the relationship. When we view marriage through this lens, it becomes clear that it is not just about personal happiness, but about reflecting God’s love to the world.

3. The Covenant of Marriage

Marriage is not merely a contract but a covenant, which signifies a binding agreement with God at the center. In Malachi 2:14, we see that God views marriage as a sacred covenant: “The Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth… and you have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” This highlights that marriage involves commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness—not just to one another, but to God. When you view marriage as not only your commitment to the other person but to God, it should change your perspective on marriage. 

4. Mutual Support and Growth

One of God’s intentions for marriage is mutual support and growth. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, we read: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” This passage emphasizes the importance of marriage partnership. Together, spouses can encourage one another, face challenges, and experience the joys of life side by side.

The reality is that some people get married and they still feel alone, unsupported, and unhappy. We have to know that this is not God's intent for marriage. Your significant other should be your number one cheerleader, they should help you grow and flourish. Unfortunately, I have seen a relationship in which the spouse gets more support from their family and friends rather than the person they married. 

Marriage is a partnership, your success is your spouse's success and your wins are their wins. Adversely, your hurts are theirs and your losses should be theirs as well. We have to share in our ups and downs. When one person is feeling down or falls, your spouse should be there to pick you up. That is how God intended the relationship to be.

5. A Foundation for Family

Marriage is also the foundation for family and nurturing children. In Psalm 127:3, it states, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” The reality is that there are married couples without children, however, marriage is still a foundation for family. You and your husband/wife are a family. The legacy of marriage extends to how we raise and siciple the next generation. You may not have children, however, you still can make a positive impact on the lives of the next generation. 

Married couples with children know that a strong marriage provides a stable environment for raising children, allowing them to witness a loving partnership that models God’s love and faithfulness. I watched my parents marriage and wanted a similar marriage. Their marriage was not perfect, sorry to break it to you but no marriage is perfect. However, their were key principles and examples that they instilled in me that I want to implement in my marriage.

The home is the first place children learn about love, faith and trust in God. A strong, Christ-centered marriage is one of the most powerful testimonies we can give our children or the next generation. 

6. The Call to Unity

God’s design for marriage includes unity. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus reminds us of the importance of this unity: “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” This underscores that God intends for the marital bond to be strong and unbreakable, emphasizing the importance of working through conflicts and challenges together.

7. The Role of Love and Respect

Lastly, God intends for love and respect to be the foundation of marriage. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Paul describes love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Love is meant to be the driving force in marriage, guiding how spouses interact with one another.

God’s intent for marriage is rich and multifaceted, designed to be a source of companionship, love, support, and growth. In a world that often complicates or misunderstands the purpose of marriage, returning to biblical principles can provide clarity and guidance.

As you reflect on your own marriage or prepare for one, seek to honor God in this sacred covenant. Embrace the opportunities for growth, service, and love that marriage offers, and trust that God’s design is meant for your good and His glory. By aligning your marriage with God’s intent, you can experience the fullness of joy and fulfillment that comes from a Christ-centered union.

Why Is It So Hard To Get Married These Days?

 

One of the readers left this question under the post "Marriage is Sacred and Binding." They asked, "Why is it so hard to get married these days?" This is a great question and one that has many layers. I will provide some insight from a biblical perspective. I do not claim to have all the answers and I welcome your comments on the topic.

I believe that marriage is a sacred institution designed by God, yet many people today find it challenging to take that step. This can stem from numerous societal, emotional, and spiritual factors influencing our relationships. Let's be real, marriage does not get a good rap, especially when you look at the divorce rate. I'm sure we have seen toxic relationships that have left an imprint on us or have been in one that has left us scared. Just ask anyone who is married and they will tell you, it is not for the faint of heart. It requires a lot of work and it is HARD work. 

Based on my research, here are some factors that may influence why it is so hard to get married these days.

1. Cultural Shifts in Attitudes Toward Marriage

In recent years, societal views on marriage have shifted dramatically. Many people now see marriage as an option rather than a necessity, leading to a decline in traditional marriage rates. Remember that in the beginning, God created marriage as he saw its necessity and importance. In Genesis 2:18, God saw that Adam was alone and He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God created marriage to fulfill the need for companionship and support. However, in a culture that increasingly prioritizes individualism and personal freedom, the commitment of marriage can seem daunting or unnecessary.

2. Fear of Commitment

Another significant factor is the fear of commitment. Many individuals have witnessed or experienced the heartbreak of divorce, which can lead to hesitation about entering into a lifelong commitment. If you have ever been in a relationship where you were hurt by a breakup or by what your partner did, you know the lasting impact it had on your heart. It might have made you fearful to enter into another relationship because of the heartache you felt. Imagine a marriage, a sacred bond, instituted by God, it becomes even more frightening as the stakes are higher.

However, fear should not deter people from getting married. Putting God first is key, so is fasting, and praying. You should also read the bible to familiarize yourself with what God says about love, the characteristics of a husband and a wife. This will help you when choosing a mate and make it less fearful. Our Lord is the only one that can drive that fear away from your heart. In 1 John 4:18, it is stated, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” God's love is complete and unconditional. God's love offers assurance and security, so there is no need to live in fear.

3. Changing Priorities and Values

Today's generation often prioritizes career, personal development, and experiences over traditional milestones like marriage. Many young people feel pressure to establish their careers or pursue education before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that. We each have our priorities and with the cultural and economic shifts, we want to be financially secure and pursue our dreams, among other things. This generation tends not to prioritize marriage therefore, fewer people want to get married. 

With seeking our dreams, educations, careers, and different experiences, let's remember that in Matthew 6:33, Jesus advises us to “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This emphasizes the importance of prioritizing our relationship with God, which can ultimately guide our decisions regarding marriage. When individuals put their careers or desires above God's will, it can lead to a delay in pursuing marriage.

4. The Impact of Technology

Modern dating has been profoundly transformed by technology. While online dating and social media provide greater access to potential partners, they can also foster a superficial view of relationships.

In Proverbs 4:23, we are instructed to “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The abundance of choices and the ease of communication can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections. This can lead to a tendency to keep relationships casual or to avoid commitment altogether.

5. The Importance of Preparation

Many people feel that they need to be fully prepared—emotionally, financially, and spiritually—before getting married. While preparation is vital, it can also be a barrier if individuals wait for the "perfect" moment that may never come.

Proverbs 24:27 encourages us to “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” This illustrates the importance of preparation but also suggests that we shouldn’t let the quest for perfection keep us from making significant life decisions.

6. Spiritual Readiness

Lastly, spiritual readiness plays a crucial role in the decision to marry. For many, the foundation of a successful marriage is rooted in faith. Individuals may hesitate to marry if they feel unequally yoked with someone who does not share their beliefs.

2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” When couples do not share the same faith or values, it can create significant challenges in their relationship. This may lead to individuals waiting until they find a partner who shares their commitment to Christ before considering marriage.

The difficulty of getting married today can be attributed to various factors, including cultural shifts, fear of commitment, changing priorities, the impact of technology, the need for preparation, and spiritual readiness. While these challenges are real, it’s essential to remember that God has a purpose for marriage and that He is always working in our lives.

As you navigate relationships, seek guidance from Scripture and pray for discernment. In doing so, you’ll be better equipped to understand God’s design for marriage and take the steps necessary to build a lasting, committed relationship. God’s plans are always for our good, and with faith and patience, He can lead you to the right partner in His perfect timing.

God bless you!