What Man Has Joined Together...

Several years ago, I attended a beautiful wedding, one of those picture-perfect ceremonies where everything seemed just right. The couple had been together for a few years, and by all outward appearances, their marriage was inevitable. The bride glowed with joy, the groom charmed the room, and the guests whispered about how "perfect" they were for each other. It looked like a fairytale.

However, "not everything that glitters is gold." Those of us closest to them began to notice warning signs that things weren't as they seemed. Their relationship, though strong in physical attraction and public image, seemed to lack something deeper. Conversations about God and faith were rare. Their plans rarely included prayer or spiritual accountability. Family and friends quietly wondered if this marriage was built more on lust and social expectations than on genuine, God-honoring commitment. 

Fast-forward a few years into the marriage, and the cracks beneath the surface became visible. The first sign was that they stopped attending church. God was no longer part of their conversations or their decisions. Communication broke down, and arguments became frequent and public. There was even a time when they separated. The lady went to stay with her mom and left her husband at their house. Instead of seeking Godly counsel, they refused pastoral support and shut others out.

Though the physical connection between them continued, it wasn't enough to hold them together. After each heated argument, the same cycle repeated: temporary closeness, followed by emotional distance. Without the foundation of Christ, the relationship couldn't withstand the storms of life. Eventually, they separated and divorced.

It was painful to watch but unfortunately, it is not uncommon.

This situation and others like it, left me asking a hard but necessary question:

"Did God truly join this couple together, or did they join themselves together?"

Matthew 19:6 reminds us, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." But what happens when God wasn't the one who joined it to begin with?"

Too often, people step into marriage for the wrong reasons, timing, pressure, attraction, loneliness, or a sense of obligation. They assume that because a relationship feels right, it might be from God. But feelings alone do not confirm a divine connection. God's confirmation is found in peace, counsel, alignment with His Word, and most importantly, in seeking Him first.

What Is a Human-Driven Marriage?

Human-driven marriages are often shaped by our desires, expectations, and what the world tells us a relationship should be. They’re not always filled with conflict, but they are frequently built on shaky foundations. When the motives behind a marriage are rooted in attraction, convenience, or personal gain, the relationship is at risk of crumbling when those elements shift, which they often do.

Characteristics of a Human-Driven Marriage

1. Self-Focused
   In a human-driven marriage, each partner may focus more on their own happiness than on the well-being of the relationship. The mindset becomes “What can I get from this?” rather than “How can I serve and love?”

2. Guided by Emotions
   When emotions lead the way, stability disappears. Feelings are fickle. Without a spiritual foundation, the marriage can quickly unravel during seasons of stress or disappointment.

3. Worldly Priorities
   These marriages often prioritize career success, image, or even physical attraction above spiritual unity. While those things aren’t inherently bad, they’re not strong enough to sustain a lifelong covenant.

4. More Susceptible to Conflict and Division
   Without God at the center, trials feel like battles instead of opportunities to grow together. Instead of pressing into God, we may turn on each other.

Biblical Examples of Human-Driven Marriages and Relationships

The Bible offers real stories of what happens when marriages are built on human desires instead of God’s design.

• Samson and Delilah (Judges 16):
  Samson’s attraction to Delilah led him into a relationship that wasn’t rooted in faith or purpose. Delilah ultimately betrayed him, showing how dangerous it is to be guided by passion without wisdom.

• Ahab and Jezebel (1 Kings 16:29–33):
  King Ahab married Jezebel for political and personal gain, but their union led to idolatry and disobedience. Jezebel’s influence pulled Ahab and Israel away from God.

These stories remind us that who we join ourselves to matters—and so do our reasons.

How to Discern the Foundation of Your Marriage

So how do you know if your marriage is human-driven or God-joined? Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Is Christ truly at the center?
  Do you and your spouse pray together, seek God’s guidance, and prioritize His Word?

• Is your love sacrificial or self-serving?
  Are you willing to put your spouse’s needs before your own, or are you focused on personal fulfillment?

• Do you feel a shared divine purpose?
  Are you united in your calling and mission, or are you simply coexisting?

• How do you handle trials?
  Do you turn to prayer and faith in difficulty, or rely on your own strength and end up blaming each other?

If any of these questions reveal areas where God has been sidelined, take heart. It’s never too late to invite Him back in.

Rebuilding on God's Foundation

The good news is that God doesn’t discard broken things—He restores them. A God-joined marriage may not be perfect, but it is anchored in something greater than emotion, culture, or circumstances. It is sustained by grace, built on love, and shaped by purpose.

Jesus said,

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” —Matthew 19:6 

This means not only that others shouldn’t interfere, but also that we shouldn’t take over what God intended to lead. When we take the reins, we risk steering the marriage off course. But when we give control back to God, He can do what we never could—make two become one, in unity, peace, and power.

For those who are not married, this is a great resource. Here are some important questions to ask before you get married.

Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Before you say "I do," ask yourself:

• Did I seek God about this relationship, or just follow my heart?

• Has this person been confirmed in prayer, or just through emotions?

• Do we both honor God, seek Him, and aim to build a life that glorifies Him together?

• Are we pursuing purity, peace, and purpose—or are we driven by chemistry and comfort?

Remember: a God-ordained relationship is built on spiritual substance, not just emotional sparks. That’s what gives it the strength to last when life gets hard.

Whether you’re preparing for marriage, in the middle of it, or rebuilding after hard seasons, ask God to examine your foundation. Is it built on Him—or on you? A God-joined marriage may require surrender, humility, and growth, but it is worth it. Let Him write your love story—not just the beginning, but every chapter.

God bless you as you seek His will in your relationship.